Squabling Siblings

My brother, B, and I recently got into an argument about long term care insurance for my mother. He thinks we need to buy the policy for my mom, but J and I don't think it's our place.

Now you need to understand that my brother and I don't have the best of relationships due to some things that took place in our past. And because of that I don't trust him at all. Thanks to numerous therapy sessions I've been able to forgive him for what he did (without an apology from him), but forgiveness doesn't equal trust. Trust has to be earned over time, and my brother hasn't given me any reason to trust him.

So, back to the insurance. B started selling insurance policies a couple years ago after hopping from job to job. He's a GREAT salesman, but if he thinks he's being treated unfairly he will quit the job and move on to something else. So when he approached me about buying the insurance I was wary for several reasons. Number one, I don't trust that he'll stay with the company long enough to see this investment through. Number two, I don't trust his boss any further than I could thrown him, so I'm not willing to invest thousands of dollars (that we really don't have) with a company run by someone I don't trust should my brother get angry about something petty walk out the door looking for the next best thing. Number three, my brother has always been the type to look out for number one, so I saw this as him looking for an opportunity to gain a commission check from me rather than as an investment for my mother's future.

So I told my brother my reasoning for not wanting to buy the policy. I also explained that we didn't really have the money for it right now because we are trying to save as much money as we can to either start the adoption process (which could cost upwards of $10-30K) or pay for more expensive fertility treatments that our insurance won't cover. I told him that I always knew that I would be the one to take care of Mom once she was no longer able to take care of herself because, 1) J and I would be more financially able to afford it, and 2) Mom and I have always been closer than she and my brother have been. Well he took that as me saying he didn't want to take care of her, and that all he wanted to do do was get the insurance so he could put her in a home and not worry with her. (Which is not what I said.) And then he said, "Well then I guess we'll just buy the policy ourselves so that Mom will be taken care of."

So now he's threatening to take J and I out of his will as legal guardians of my niece. And to top it off he said (and I quote) "It's a crying shame that I now have to make decisions I was not prepared to make with JD's future in the event of mine and K's untimely demise in light of how you feel about her father. I forgive you for the nasty things you think about me but I don't have to subject my daughter to your way of thinking and hardened heart toward me. " Now mind you, what I said about how I feel about him was (and again I quote), "I do love you, but you’ve really hurt me by making me feel like I don’t care about Mom’s future if I don’t buy this policy." And somehow he takes that to mean I think nasty things about him. I'm so confused.

So I wrote him back and told him if he thought it was in my niece's best interest to have a different legal guardian then that was his purogative as her father, but that I thought this was nothing more than his pride getting in the way.

The sad thing about all this is my niece and I are very close. And it completely broke my heart when I read this from his email, "I cannot make a unilateral decision about yours and JD's relationship, that's something that K and I will have to discuss." So apparently he's going to keep me from seeing her because he knows that it will hurt me to my very core. But what's even worse...I knew this is what he would do. I had said this in my original email, "I love JD more than life itself, and I don’t want to be kept from her or feel like I can’t come see her because of this. So for the sake of her I’m willing to let the anger I’m feeling towards you go, provided that this insurance policy is never brought up again." But in typical B form he has to get the last jab, and he's going to ruin our family over something so insanely stupid and petty.

JJ and I have no children, and my niece is the closest thing I have to one, and my brother is willing to cut me out of her life because I won't buy an insurance policy from him. I'm absolutely heartbroken.