Cousins

My sister-in-law brought my niece down so they could meet Little Bit. J was so excited about her new cousin. She couldn't wait to hold her.

Yikes...Ike!!!

My parents live in Pasadena (southeast Houston), and they are weathering the storm. Many of my friends evacuated b/c they live closer to the coast, but mom's zip code never came up as a mandatory evac. They have boarded up the house, and they have all the necessities, but I'm still so worried about them! Please keep them in your prayers.

Here's a Friday Funny...

During Gustav I wasn't able to call my mom to give her updates, so I would text her to tell her we were still alive and doing well, but she would never text me back. So last night she called me and asked me how "this texting thing" works. She told me that the news channels were telling everyone that texting would work even if calls couldn't go through. So I gave her a short tutorial, and then she sent me a practice text. This was the text..."Imlearninghowtotext". (obviously without the quotes.) So I gave her a call back to teach her how to put spaces into her message. J and I got a good laugh thinking about my mom sitting there during the storm texting us. I'm so proud of my techno savvy mom!!!

Memorial Day

We had a great time spending the weekend at my parent's house. They got a new pool put in, and this was our first time to swim in it, and I gotta tell ya...I was a fish. I LOVE pools, and I've been trying to talk J into getting one for some time now, but being the money conscience person he is, he won't do it because we won't get the money back when we move. So I guess I'll just have to make more trips to my parent's house to satisfy my pool cravings!!

My niece called me her dolphin, and kept saying, "Let's go, dolphin, take me to school. Now take me home. Now let's go to Target." It was so funny! (And it was a great workout, too!)

My niece's best friend and her mom came over to swim, and my parents got out this huge school bus float for them to play in. They loved it!!

Since J is so fair skinned he called himself the "pool vampire" because he only swam once the sun went down. He spent his days reading in the shade. But his evenings were full of pool basketball. It's a good thing my parents got the basketball hoop. Otherwise I don't think J would have gotten in the pool at all.

Maddie wouldn't get anywhere near the water, but she didn't mind riding in the big yellow school bus float! Well, for a little while, anyway.

We loved floating on the noodles!

Jessica loved jumping off the side of the pool!
Jessica wanted to be like the big people and play basketball, so J, my dad and brother helped her put the ball in the hoop. She had a ball!!

Yesterday was a sad day

J called as I was heading to the airport to come home from my scrapbooking weekend to tell me that our cat Sassy was no longer with us. As he told the story he sounded like he had been crying, and the more he said the more I wanted to cry.

J let our dog Maddie out yesterday morning, and while she was doing her business he stepped into the bathroom in our laundry room to use the restroom. When we let Maddie out, Sassy LOVES to sneek out and roll on the concrete. That's all she does is roll on the concrete. She never wanders off or anything, but lately we've tried to discourage her from sneeking out the back door because she doesn't have front claws and we didn't want her to get out without us knowing and have something happen to her. She's rather stealthy so it's been difficult to keep her in when we let Maddie out. Normally we go out with Maddie and we're standing by the door to leep Sassy in, but occasionally we'll finish what we're doing and just glance over every now and again to see that Sassy is still inside.

So, yesterday morning J was in his boxers and didn't want to go out in them so he stayed inside. He could see the back door from the bathroom, and he was watching for Sassy and listening for her tags. Maddie let herself in and J closed the door not knowing Sassy was outside. He went to feed Maddie and then he got in the shower. An hour later J went to leave from church, and he backed out of the driveway. As he was backing out he hit a "bump". He immediately got out to see what it was and found Sassy laying on the driveway twitching. He sat down beside her and started petting her and talking to her to calm her down. He said her eyes were huge probably because she was scared. It only took her about 30 seconds to die. J guessed that her spinal chord was broken because it was quick. The only thing we can figure is Sassy tried to get back in, but since J had closed the door behind him she couldn't get in. She spooks easily, so we're guessing that something spooked her and she ran under J's car for shelter.

When she died, he went inside to change so he could bury her. Being the engineer that he is, he checked online to see the proper way to bury a pet so that it was environmentally safe. Once he found the best way to do it he dug a hole behind our bush at the end of our driveway, and buried Sassy there. He said it was very hard to bury her because he had taken her in several years ago and saved her from being on the streets and now he was having to deal with being the one that killed her. I wish I would have been there with him.

Please say a prayer for J. He's blaming himself for what was an accident. He knows it was an accident and there was nothing he could have done, but he's still taking it hard. I called him when I landed in Houston to see how he was doing, and he started crying. He said that he was upset for a couple of reasons. 1) he was mad that he wasn't standing at the door like he normally does, 2) he killed his own cat and then had to bury her, and 3) he had to go to our friend's little boy's birthday party by himself on Saturday, and he said he was reminded MANY times of what we don't have.

Life sure is weird without Sassy. She always greeted us in the morning with a chorus of meows, and she followed J everywhere like a shadow. Sassy was a sweet little kitty, and when J found her and took her in 6 years ago, she was fully house-trained. She was so smart, and she loved to be in the bathroom with us. That was "her" time. We sure will miss her!!

Merry Christmas

As Christmas has approached I've been very cognizant of the fact that we still have no children in our home. But today I realized that I can't focus on what we don't have, but rather I should be focusing on what I *do* have...and that's an amazing husband, a wonderful family, and supportive friends both in real life and in cyber space. I truly have been blessed far beyond what I deserve.

I hope your Christmas is filled with the love of family and friends!!! And I hope more than anything that you'll take the time to truly count all of your blessings during this holiday season. Because, in spite of all of our ttc struggles and the heartache it's filled our lives with, we have ALL been blessed in some way or another.

HE'S HOME!!!!!

So this was me on Friday morning...

And this was me Friday night when J walked in the door...

I MISS MY MAN!!!!!

You know...I was single for a long time, and I lived in an apartment alone for several years before J and I married. I don't understand why it bother me so much when he's gone. I mean, yeah there's the obvious...I love him so much that I hate to be away from him, but while I didn't mind living alone when I was single, I HATE living alone now.

J told me tonight that he misses me a lot. He said that when he's in meetings like the ones he's in this week it makes him miss me that much more because they're long and stressful. I asked him why, and he said he likes coming home to me after a long stressful day. Awwwww.

Now, anyone who knew J before we got married knows that he is the kind of guy that likes to be by himself. He is an independent introvert so being alone is just fine with him. And when he's stressed he doesn't like to be around anyone. He wanted to be by himself so he can decompress. So to me, it sounds weird that he misses me so much. I don't know why, but it does.

But see, I'm the exact opposite...I'm the one who always wants to be around people. I don't like to be by myself unless I'm upset. Being around friends and family after a stressful day helps me relax and unwind. So it's only natural that I would miss J like crazy when he's gone. But when he tells me how much he misses me it makes me miss him that much more. I just miss my man, and I want him home...it's gonna be a long week folks!

Updates...

IUI Update...

So the IUI went well, but now I'm beginning to think we did it too late. I got a - OPK at 9pm on CD15, a + at 6:45am on CD16, so we scheduled the IUI for CD17. I was having some wicked O pains around 10am on CD16 so I'm thinking I O'd around noon on CD16 because the pains stopped around early afternoon. We didn't get the IUI done until 2:30pm on CD17 so I'm thinking we were too late. I'm really bummed about it especially since we had abstained for 3 days to give us better sperm...well J's SA wasn't as good this month. His concentration was much lower. Although he had 33.3 million, his grade wasn't as good and his his motility wasn't as good. All was still within normal ranges, but add that to the fact that I think the IUI was done too late, and well...I'm not all that optimistic. Only time will tell, but I'm not holding my breath.


Update on Saturday's dinner with FIL and new wife...

Only one word can describe Saturday...AWKWARD!!!!! They showed up around 12:30 (I was starving by then so I was cranky.) FIL kept telling me to pick the restaurant, and even with me insisting that I didn't care where we went as long as I got food in my stomach within the next hour, he kept on and on about how they wanted to go where I wanted to go. *insert rolling eyes emoticon* So J brings up a Greek restaurant...everyone agrees (remember this part).

Well, on our way to the restaurant FIL says, "Janna, why don't you pick somewhere else for us to go?"

Uh, what??? Didn't we already agree where we're going?

So J says, "I thought we were going to the Greek restaurant?"

FIL says, "Well, we're eating at a Greek restaurant tonight for dinner."

So I'm thinking, "Then why did you people say something when the restaurant was mentioned 10 minutes ago?" *insert frustrated emoticon*

J say, "Well, do you like Chinese? We can go to P.F. Ch.ang's."

Both FIL and new wife say that they haven't been there so we change course and head to P.F. Cha.ng's.

Dinner was incredibly long and uncomfortable. I didn't have much to say because FIL creeps me out. J did a really good job making small talk, but I could tell he was struggling. FIL is so weird...he introduces himself to the waiter and shakes his hand...that's just weird. The waiter doesn't care about your name. He sees tons of people a week. Don't fill his brain with useless information about who you are!!!

Anyway...FIL and new wife came back to our house for a couple of hours after lunch. Again, awkward and uncomfortable small talk. Good thing we had Maddie, our miniature Dachshund there because most of the talk was about her. Thank God for Maddie!!

Honestly, I hope that we don't ever have to entertain them again. I know that sounds horrible, but FIL is just too over the top. I hate that he dotes all over new wife and he never did that to J's mom. I hate that he has to make friends with everyone, even to the embarrassment of everyone around him. And I hate that he thinks that we're all okay with what he's done. I really feel sorry for J. But, I love him so much more for being able to get through the day with such grace and strength. He continues to amaze me every day!!!

Family Woes

J's annoying dad has invited he and his new wife here this weekend. We have issues with this man...he left J's mother after 29 years of marriage because he wasn't getting enough sex. WTH??? For me, that's kind of creepy. He knew this woman before he divorced J's mom, and MIL knew her as well. They all work at the same place, and a few times a week would all eat lunch together. So anyway, after the divorce was final it took my FIL a whole 8 months to marry this woman...but he swears nothing was going on while he was married. Yeah, right. Did I mention that he's a former Baptist pastor??? FIL is delusional. He thinks everyone is okay with what he did. J's siblings don't have anything to do with him, and when BIL got married, he was invited to the ceremony, but he wasn't allowed to bring new wife, and he wasn't allowed to stay for the reception or be in any of the pictures. This was pretty soon after the divorce so BIL didn't want his mom to have to be around his dad. 'Cuz FIL would have tried to talk to MIL as if nothing had happened. That's how delusional he really is. When SIL graduated from college, again he wasn't allowed to bring new wife. He was even invited to come to BIL's house for ice cream afterwards, but he chose to bring new wife and stay in the shadows. He didn't even try and find SIL to tell her congrats. How selfish!!! SIL was understandably upset. Does that sound like everyone is okay with the situation to you? *rolls eyes* FIL even calls J's mom on occasion. WTH??? She doesn't want to hear from you, you moron! *sigh* I digress.

So, FIL has been really pushy about coming to see us since we moved to BR, and we've been rather evasive...we're not unpacked, we're remodeling, I just had a m/c (that's a whole other story in itself*), DH is really busy with work, etc. We've never invited them, and we've put them off about coming to see us, so why can't he get the hint that we don't want them coming here?

Here's what I'm so mad about...so to manipulate us, FIL calls and says, "We're going to be in Baton Rouge this weekend. Can we get together for dinner?"

Ummmm, who comes to BR for a trip??? Wouldn't New Orleans be more of a destination place??? They have no other reason to come to BR other than to see us. That just chaps me that he's backed us into a corner.

Anyway, he's wormed his way into visiting, and as you can probably tell I'm NOT happy about it. I told DH that after dinner he's going to want to come see the house, and the he'll probably say, "You know, it's late. Can we just stay the night with you guys?"

All you-know-what is going to hit the fan if he pulls that stunt!! I'm not washing the sheets in the guest room for that very reason. I want to use that as an excuse for them not staying.

I should have my IUI tomorrow afternoon, possibly Friday morning, and if it's Friday morning, I'm not going to be feeling very well for dinner on Saturday. I cramped and was under the heating pad for 2 days with the IUI last cycle. (Of course that could be b/c Dr. K had a little trouble with my cervix cooperating. But that's neither here nor there. I still cramped for 2 days, and I don't know if it's going to be the same this time or not.) This is really immature, but I told DH that I was planning on making them feel pretty uncomfortable by not talking much. I want them to know that it's not okay to manipulate us to get what you want.
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*If you're interested in knowing about the story about how FIL reacted to my m/c then keep reading. If not, feel free to move on!! *winks*
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So I had a m/c and D&C back in January. We called MIL and told her about the D&C, so to be nice she calls and leaves a message with FIL about it. So here I am, back home and in bed the day of my D&C, and FIL calls and wants to talk to me.

J politely says, "She's on pain meds and she's finally sleeping. It's not a good time."

So then FIL says, "We're coming to see you guys tomorrow."

Ummm, what??

J again politely says, "Dad, it's not a good time. Janna doesn't want anyone here but me and her mom. Plus, we don't have anywhere for y'all to sleep."

To which FIL replies, "That's okay, we'll stay in a hotel."

So J gets a little more forceful, "Dad, we don't want you to come. We need time to grieve, and we need to do this on our own. Janna's mom is leaving in the morning to give us some time to ourselves. Please, don't come."

FIL finally concedes, but says that he's going to call and check on us...needless to say we just let it go to voicemail.

This man is just so pushy. And the fact that he thinks we're okay with him leaving J's mom and marrying so soon after the divorce is just preposterous. I mean, we've just gone through possibly the most horrible event in our lives, and FIL thinks that we want him staying with us??? We weren't in any condition emotionally to entertain guests. My mom was here, but she was cooking and cleaning and doing things that I wasn't capable of handling at the time.

So fast forward to August 20th. The 18th was my edd, and it was a horrible week for us, me mainly, but that's okay.

FIL calls and says, "I just wanted to call and tell you I remembered that your baby would have been due a couple days ago."

I actually thought it was nice of him to remember, but here's what ruined that moment...he says "Do you want to talk about it?"

Ummm, no. I'm not talking about it much with J, so why would I want to talk about it with you? (I didn't say that to him. I just paused in surprise and said, "No, that's okay.")

That's just how he is. He has to put himself in the situation to make himself feel important and to draw attention to himself. He's your typical type A personality.

You would think the conversation would end with me saying no to talking about it, but nooooooo. He kept prying. He wanted to know how we were doing, if we were handling things okay.

I answered with a short, "We're doing okay," and then I shot a look to J that said, "HELP!!"

There was an awkward silence, and before FIL had a chance to ask any other personal questions I said, "Do you want to talk to J?"

FIL said, "No, just wanted to talk to you. I guess I'll go, but if you want to talk about it, I'm here. We're thinking about you both, and we love you."

"Thank you. Bye"

I do love my FIL, but I don't respect him anymore. And if I've lost respect for you, you're going to have to work really hard to earn that respect back. It's not going to come back on it's own over time. But the way FIL believes that we're okay with what he's done is just so strange to me. I just don't get it.

So those are my family woes...care to share your own???

1DPO Today...

Well, I'm officially in the 2ww. Thankfully I'll have lots to keep my mind off everything. We're leaving tomorrow to go visit J's family. Then we'll be back for a week, and then we'll take a weekend trip to see my family. I should know if we're pregnant or not before we go see my family. Don't know if we'll tell them anything if we are. Guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

I won't be able to get back on here again until we get back home, so Happy 4th of July a little early!

Update on J

Today he's feeling a little better, though he has a killer headache (probably because he's dehydrated) and he said his stomach feels like it's still there. (We often use the phrase "I know my stomach's there" when our stomach doesn't feel right. Like when it's not really upset or hurting, but it just doesn't feel right.) Anyway, he was able to make it through the day with the help of some Advil that he bought from the hotel's front desk. He's going to attempt to go out to dinner with his coworkers tonight so I made sure to remind him to eat soup or a baked potato. Tonight it got a laugh so I think he's on the mend. Still wish I was there to take care of him, but I think he'll survive without me. Thank you to those of you who prayed for him!

Sick While Traveling

J left for Virginia Sunday morning for a week long business trip. I hadn't heard from him today, and that's odd seeing as how we talk everyday when he's gone on business trips. So I gave him a call at 9:00pm (10:00pm his time). It took him awhile to get to the phone so I thought he might still be out on the basketball court with some of his coworkers. But to my surprise he sounded very groggy when he answered. I asked him if I woke him up, and he replied, "Yes." (Oops!) Then he went on to tell me that he had been sick...upset stomach, chills, sweats, headache. Poor guy...and he is set to teach part of a training course Wednesday so there's no skipping. I told him to go back to bed, and I hoped he started feeling better. Before we hung up I was able to squeeze in, "Eat bland foods like crackers, toast, or baked potatoes." He always laughs at me when I tell him that (though he didn't tonight). But to me it just seems logical. If your stomach is upset don't eat spicy or greasy things.

I feel sorry for him. Sure wish I was there to take care of him. Not that he can't take care of himself, but I could at least go to the store to get him some medicine or crackers and Sprite. Hopefully his fever will break and he'll start feeling better during night. Please pray for him...it's never fun to be sick, but when you're away from home and away from your own bed it's even harder.

My Husband the Deacon

Back before Christmas J was elected as a deacon in our church. And last night he was officially ordained along with a good friend of ours, JC. J never really has seen this as a big accomplishment in life, but I am so proud of him. To me, being elected as a deacon means that others see him as a man of great character and strong faith. I'm just humbled by the fact that others see him the same way I do.

One of the requirements was that J give their testimony during the ordination service. I just love to hear his testimony. It gives me chills every time I hear it. And as he stood up there last night I was beaming from the front pew.

At the end of the service the pastor asked J and JC to kneel down on the floor in front of the altar as the other ordained men in the church came by and one by one laid hands on them and prayed over them. Now some of you may think this is a silly or odd thing to do, but as I watched this take place I was in awe of the presence of God in that room.

Several of the deacons came by to shake mine and M's hands before they went back to their seats and offer their congratulations and prayers for our family. A few made little wise cracks about being a deacon's wife and now having to be on our best behavior. That had Mand me cracking up because J (and even a few close friends of ours) have teased me about the fact that I'm so outspoken and how that's not how a deacon's wife should act. But I do take the role of deacon's wife seriously, and I would never do anything that might jeopardize his credibility as a church leader.

1 Timothy 3: 8-13 spells out quite clearly how a deacon and wives of deacons should act:

8 Deacons, likewise, are to be men worthy of respect, sincere, not indulging in much wine, and not pursuing dishonest gain.

9 They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience.

10 They must first be tested; and then if there is nothing against them, let them serve as deacons.

11 In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.

12 A deacon must be the husband of but one wife and must manage his children and his household well.

13 Those who have served well gain an excellent standing and great assurance in their faith in Christ Jesus.

Deacons are not any higher than anyone else in the church. They aren't more special, and they are not entitled to any special priviledges. They are not perfect. They are to be servants of others. They are to set examples of how people ought to conduct themselves.

J has always been such a humble person which is why I think he doesn't see the role of deacon as a big deal. He was taught to act in a respectable, trustworthy and honorable way every day of his life so the fact that he's now a deacon will not alter how he lives from day to day.

But despite the fact that he doesn't understand, I'm still so proud of him.

Trip to the Zoo

The weather was absolutely beautiful today, so J and I decided to spend part of the day at the zoo. I had taken my niece to the BR zoo a few weeks ago, and J we jealous because he said I've done several touristy things here in BR with my family and friends like going to a plantation home, to the state capitol, and the zoo, but he never gets to go because he's working. To tell you the truth I never thought he'd want to do those things so I never asked him to take a day off.

Today was a day for us to spend time together without just laying around the house all day like slugs. We really did have a good time even though we were one of only a handful of couples there without children. We laughed at the animals, we laughed at the kids as they ooh-ed and ahh-ed over the animals, and we laughed at the parents trying to rangle their kids and keep them in line. We enjoyed each other's company, and for a moment we forgot about all the stresses in our life. It was so nice just to be together. Sometimes we forget what it's like to just enjoy each other because we get so wrapped up in the happenings of our lives that we lose sight of the important things.

I'm so glad we actually had the time to spend together today. It made me realize why I fell in love with J in the first place. It wasn't because he makes good money or because he completed me. I fell in love with him because I enjoy being with him. He makes me laugh, even if it's at myself sometimes. I like that he knows me better than anyone else does. And I like that he's so easy to love. He's a good, honest, and loving man. He's everything I ever dreamed of in a husband and more.

Squabling Siblings

My brother, B, and I recently got into an argument about long term care insurance for my mother. He thinks we need to buy the policy for my mom, but J and I don't think it's our place.

Now you need to understand that my brother and I don't have the best of relationships due to some things that took place in our past. And because of that I don't trust him at all. Thanks to numerous therapy sessions I've been able to forgive him for what he did (without an apology from him), but forgiveness doesn't equal trust. Trust has to be earned over time, and my brother hasn't given me any reason to trust him.

So, back to the insurance. B started selling insurance policies a couple years ago after hopping from job to job. He's a GREAT salesman, but if he thinks he's being treated unfairly he will quit the job and move on to something else. So when he approached me about buying the insurance I was wary for several reasons. Number one, I don't trust that he'll stay with the company long enough to see this investment through. Number two, I don't trust his boss any further than I could thrown him, so I'm not willing to invest thousands of dollars (that we really don't have) with a company run by someone I don't trust should my brother get angry about something petty walk out the door looking for the next best thing. Number three, my brother has always been the type to look out for number one, so I saw this as him looking for an opportunity to gain a commission check from me rather than as an investment for my mother's future.

So I told my brother my reasoning for not wanting to buy the policy. I also explained that we didn't really have the money for it right now because we are trying to save as much money as we can to either start the adoption process (which could cost upwards of $10-30K) or pay for more expensive fertility treatments that our insurance won't cover. I told him that I always knew that I would be the one to take care of Mom once she was no longer able to take care of herself because, 1) J and I would be more financially able to afford it, and 2) Mom and I have always been closer than she and my brother have been. Well he took that as me saying he didn't want to take care of her, and that all he wanted to do do was get the insurance so he could put her in a home and not worry with her. (Which is not what I said.) And then he said, "Well then I guess we'll just buy the policy ourselves so that Mom will be taken care of."

So now he's threatening to take J and I out of his will as legal guardians of my niece. And to top it off he said (and I quote) "It's a crying shame that I now have to make decisions I was not prepared to make with JD's future in the event of mine and K's untimely demise in light of how you feel about her father. I forgive you for the nasty things you think about me but I don't have to subject my daughter to your way of thinking and hardened heart toward me. " Now mind you, what I said about how I feel about him was (and again I quote), "I do love you, but you’ve really hurt me by making me feel like I don’t care about Mom’s future if I don’t buy this policy." And somehow he takes that to mean I think nasty things about him. I'm so confused.

So I wrote him back and told him if he thought it was in my niece's best interest to have a different legal guardian then that was his purogative as her father, but that I thought this was nothing more than his pride getting in the way.

The sad thing about all this is my niece and I are very close. And it completely broke my heart when I read this from his email, "I cannot make a unilateral decision about yours and JD's relationship, that's something that K and I will have to discuss." So apparently he's going to keep me from seeing her because he knows that it will hurt me to my very core. But what's even worse...I knew this is what he would do. I had said this in my original email, "I love JD more than life itself, and I don’t want to be kept from her or feel like I can’t come see her because of this. So for the sake of her I’m willing to let the anger I’m feeling towards you go, provided that this insurance policy is never brought up again." But in typical B form he has to get the last jab, and he's going to ruin our family over something so insanely stupid and petty.

JJ and I have no children, and my niece is the closest thing I have to one, and my brother is willing to cut me out of her life because I won't buy an insurance policy from him. I'm absolutely heartbroken.

I Love My Mom!

I got a surprise today from my mom. This afternoon she had some flowers delivered to the house with a card that said, "We love you very much." Very simply stated, but I know that she wanted me to know that she was thinking about me. I never told her how hard yesterday was, but as a mom she just understood that it must have been difficult. I have the best mom ever! She knows me so well.

Happy Mother's Day!

I decided a few weeks ago that I wasn't going to focus on the fact that another Mother's Day had passed without me becoming a mom. No, this year I was going to focus on the fact that I have a wonderful mother in my life who has spent her whole life raising me as best she knew how. Mom made so many sacrifices for my brother and me growing up. She left my dad when I was three and moved us to Texas and raised us on her own. I don't remember those days much, but over the years she would talk about them here and there, and I know they were tough for Mom. She eventually married my step-dad, Henry, who despite the fact that he already had a grown child, took us and raised us as his own. She may not have picked the right man to marry the first time, but she picked a gem the second time. Mom had us at the church every Sunday morning, evening and Wednesday night. She directed the children's choir, helped with the youth choir, and filled in as the pianist when she was needed. Mom taught me the importance of hard work. She does nothing half way. When I was in college Mom taught elementary music all day, and taught piano lessons three nights a week just so I could have spending money. On top of all that she was in charge of all the children's choirs at church, played in a handbell choir, and sang in the adult choir. And then when Henry died, Mom showed me what true strength really was. Sure, she cried, and there were moments when she didn't want to go on, but in the end she persevered through the grief, and through it all she remained faithful to God, her church, her family, and her work. Mom found love again, and married Charley. In the beginning I was very hesistant of their relationship. I liked Charley a lot, but they had only known each other for a few months when they decided to marry. I gave Mom a hard time about it, but in the end it was the perfect decision. (I don't know if I ever told her I was sorry or not, but I'm hoping I did.) Mom retired from teaching, but she couldn't just sit around the house. No, she found herself another job at the church as the children's choir coordinator and secretary for the music minister. And true to her form she works hard to do the best job she can. She goes in an hour earlier than she's supposed to, and works late if the job isn't finished. And when the decision had to be made for my grandmother to be put in an assisted living center Mom went up to see her every morning on her way to work, and many times on her way home as well.

It's hard to pin-point just one thing that Mom has taught me over the years because there are so many...

• Go to church. You should be thanking God for the blessings that each new day brings. You may not like the circumstances you're in, but just wait. God will bring you through them, and you'll be so much stronger and so much wiser for persevering and remaining faithful to Him.
• Family is everything. You never abandon your family no matter how frustrated you get. You love them even if you have moments when you don't like them. Family is going to be there for you through the good and the bad. Do the same for them.
• Work hard. Even if you don't like the job, or even if you're not the best at it, do everything to the best of your ability.
• Be generous. Not just with your money, but with your time and talents, too. Not everyone is as privileged as you. Give them the shirt off your back if you have to. You have another one at home.
• Love others. It's not always easy to love others, but you have to try to love them. A lot of times people put up a front because they're hurting. Get to know them and love them for who they are inside. Not the person they are on the outside. Everyone deserves to be loved.
• Forgive. When people hurt you it's easy to hold a grudge, talk bad about them, and ignore them. It's harder to forgive them and work to mend the relationship, but there will come a time when you yourself need to be forgiven. Friendships grow and deepen not just through the easy times, but because you've made it through the hard times.
• Ask for forgiveness. Admit when you've wronged someone, and go ask them for forgiveness. They may not extend it to you, but at least you will know you've asked and you've tried to right the wrong. Be nice to them and love them even if they're still mad at you because even if they can't forgive you now, they will probably come to a point when they're able to.

Okay, so obviously some of those I'm still working on. I just hope that one day I'll be able to pass all these wonderful words of wisdom on to my children. Mom wasn't perfect, but she loved hard, she worked hard, and gave 100% of herself to everything she did. I love you Mom...Happy Mother's Day!!!

Memaw

My grandmother has been sick for quite some time with conjestive heart failure. And every few months fluid builds up in her lungs and around her heart and she has to be put in the hospital to have it all drained off. For the last year she's been living in an assisted living center because it got too hard for my aunt, who has lived with Memaw for the last 10 years or so, to take care of her and still work full time. Memaw really loved her little room at Parson's House. She had it decorated with pictures of her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

Last Monday Mom called and said that Memaw was getting worse, and they decided it was finally time to moved her to Hospice care. As hard as it was for them to come to that decision I know it was the best one. Memaw had a pace maker put in when she was 84 years old, and for the last couple years the pace maker has been doing 100% of the work for her heart, and she's been on oxygen for a good portion of each day because she just doesn't have the energy to breathe well on her own. Her quality of life just wasn't what it used to be, and that frustrated her. So Monday they moved her to the Hospice Hospital in Houston. The nurses told Mom that Memaw didn't have much longer. Each breath she took was very labored, and at one point she was only taking 6 breaths a minute.

My last visit with Memaw was just a few weeks ago. We had gone to Houston for the weekend, and Sunday after church we went out to Parson's House to visit. We took Maddie, our miniature Dachshund out there. Memaw loved dogs. They always put a smile on her face so we thought seeing Maddie would give her a little joy. We only stayed about 30 minutes. We could tell she wasn't feeling well and that she was very weak. But the visit was good. When we left we gave Memaw a hug and a kiss and told her we would see her again soon. I was shocked to see a tear rolling down her face.

Tuesday morning Mom called and said that Memaw wasn't waking up at all, not even to eat or drink. So she felt sure it was just a matter of time. Several of my family members went to see her and tell her how much they loved her. We couldn't get back into town, but I had Mom tell her we loved her. Mom said everyone finally left the hospital around 10:30 Tuesday night. At one point she said it got kind of loud as they were remembering things from their childhood. She said they laughed some, cried some, and remembered lots. Memaw slept through the whole thing, at least they thought she was asleep, but at one point my aunt looked at her and saw a tear rolling down her face. That's when it got quiet, and they each stood with her and told her it was okay for her to go. That they would see her again some day.

At 12:08AM Wednesday morning Memaw went to be with Jesus. It's a bittersweet thing. She's no longer in pain, and she's no longer suffering, but not having her here anymore makes life seem empty. The fact that she cried when J and I left a few weeks ago makes me wonder if she knew that would be the last time she would see us here on earth.

Memaw was the youngest of 4 children. She married Granddaddy, a Southern Baptist Pastor, at the age of 18, and in her early 40's lost him to a heart attack. She had 6 children with him, 4 of which are still living. She married my Pepaw in 1971, and was married to him for 11 years until he died of cancer. She has 13 grandchildren and 13 great-grandchildren. What a legacy!!!

I miss my Memaw, but I know that I will see her again one day. Say hello to my babies, Memaw!!!