Family Woes

J's annoying dad has invited he and his new wife here this weekend. We have issues with this man...he left J's mother after 29 years of marriage because he wasn't getting enough sex. WTH??? For me, that's kind of creepy. He knew this woman before he divorced J's mom, and MIL knew her as well. They all work at the same place, and a few times a week would all eat lunch together. So anyway, after the divorce was final it took my FIL a whole 8 months to marry this woman...but he swears nothing was going on while he was married. Yeah, right. Did I mention that he's a former Baptist pastor??? FIL is delusional. He thinks everyone is okay with what he did. J's siblings don't have anything to do with him, and when BIL got married, he was invited to the ceremony, but he wasn't allowed to bring new wife, and he wasn't allowed to stay for the reception or be in any of the pictures. This was pretty soon after the divorce so BIL didn't want his mom to have to be around his dad. 'Cuz FIL would have tried to talk to MIL as if nothing had happened. That's how delusional he really is. When SIL graduated from college, again he wasn't allowed to bring new wife. He was even invited to come to BIL's house for ice cream afterwards, but he chose to bring new wife and stay in the shadows. He didn't even try and find SIL to tell her congrats. How selfish!!! SIL was understandably upset. Does that sound like everyone is okay with the situation to you? *rolls eyes* FIL even calls J's mom on occasion. WTH??? She doesn't want to hear from you, you moron! *sigh* I digress.

So, FIL has been really pushy about coming to see us since we moved to BR, and we've been rather evasive...we're not unpacked, we're remodeling, I just had a m/c (that's a whole other story in itself*), DH is really busy with work, etc. We've never invited them, and we've put them off about coming to see us, so why can't he get the hint that we don't want them coming here?

Here's what I'm so mad about...so to manipulate us, FIL calls and says, "We're going to be in Baton Rouge this weekend. Can we get together for dinner?"

Ummmm, who comes to BR for a trip??? Wouldn't New Orleans be more of a destination place??? They have no other reason to come to BR other than to see us. That just chaps me that he's backed us into a corner.

Anyway, he's wormed his way into visiting, and as you can probably tell I'm NOT happy about it. I told DH that after dinner he's going to want to come see the house, and the he'll probably say, "You know, it's late. Can we just stay the night with you guys?"

All you-know-what is going to hit the fan if he pulls that stunt!! I'm not washing the sheets in the guest room for that very reason. I want to use that as an excuse for them not staying.

I should have my IUI tomorrow afternoon, possibly Friday morning, and if it's Friday morning, I'm not going to be feeling very well for dinner on Saturday. I cramped and was under the heating pad for 2 days with the IUI last cycle. (Of course that could be b/c Dr. K had a little trouble with my cervix cooperating. But that's neither here nor there. I still cramped for 2 days, and I don't know if it's going to be the same this time or not.) This is really immature, but I told DH that I was planning on making them feel pretty uncomfortable by not talking much. I want them to know that it's not okay to manipulate us to get what you want.
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*If you're interested in knowing about the story about how FIL reacted to my m/c then keep reading. If not, feel free to move on!! *winks*
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So I had a m/c and D&C back in January. We called MIL and told her about the D&C, so to be nice she calls and leaves a message with FIL about it. So here I am, back home and in bed the day of my D&C, and FIL calls and wants to talk to me.

J politely says, "She's on pain meds and she's finally sleeping. It's not a good time."

So then FIL says, "We're coming to see you guys tomorrow."

Ummm, what??

J again politely says, "Dad, it's not a good time. Janna doesn't want anyone here but me and her mom. Plus, we don't have anywhere for y'all to sleep."

To which FIL replies, "That's okay, we'll stay in a hotel."

So J gets a little more forceful, "Dad, we don't want you to come. We need time to grieve, and we need to do this on our own. Janna's mom is leaving in the morning to give us some time to ourselves. Please, don't come."

FIL finally concedes, but says that he's going to call and check on us...needless to say we just let it go to voicemail.

This man is just so pushy. And the fact that he thinks we're okay with him leaving J's mom and marrying so soon after the divorce is just preposterous. I mean, we've just gone through possibly the most horrible event in our lives, and FIL thinks that we want him staying with us??? We weren't in any condition emotionally to entertain guests. My mom was here, but she was cooking and cleaning and doing things that I wasn't capable of handling at the time.

So fast forward to August 20th. The 18th was my edd, and it was a horrible week for us, me mainly, but that's okay.

FIL calls and says, "I just wanted to call and tell you I remembered that your baby would have been due a couple days ago."

I actually thought it was nice of him to remember, but here's what ruined that moment...he says "Do you want to talk about it?"

Ummm, no. I'm not talking about it much with J, so why would I want to talk about it with you? (I didn't say that to him. I just paused in surprise and said, "No, that's okay.")

That's just how he is. He has to put himself in the situation to make himself feel important and to draw attention to himself. He's your typical type A personality.

You would think the conversation would end with me saying no to talking about it, but nooooooo. He kept prying. He wanted to know how we were doing, if we were handling things okay.

I answered with a short, "We're doing okay," and then I shot a look to J that said, "HELP!!"

There was an awkward silence, and before FIL had a chance to ask any other personal questions I said, "Do you want to talk to J?"

FIL said, "No, just wanted to talk to you. I guess I'll go, but if you want to talk about it, I'm here. We're thinking about you both, and we love you."

"Thank you. Bye"

I do love my FIL, but I don't respect him anymore. And if I've lost respect for you, you're going to have to work really hard to earn that respect back. It's not going to come back on it's own over time. But the way FIL believes that we're okay with what he's done is just so strange to me. I just don't get it.

So those are my family woes...care to share your own???