Calgon, Take Me Away

I just can't seem to get away from pregnancy/baby talk. So you know about my friend MW who's pregnant. Well there is a new couple at church that we've started hanging with a little, and she's pregnant.

Last Sunday the SS lesson was on hope during the hard times. I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I've lost all hope of ever having a child of our own.

This morning my friend L had her new baby in SS because there wasn't anyone in the nursery. It took all I had in me to keep from staring at little B. He's just so adorable. I kept wishing I had a baby to bring to class.

Today's SS lesson was on suffering, and the teacher gave several reasons for why we suffer. And one of the reasons was that God was allowing us to suffer because of the sin in our lives. I've struggled with this for a long time. Is God allowing me to suffer with infertility because of some sin that I've committed? So of course that's all I thought about during the lesson. I kept racking my brain to come up with the worst sin that I've committed that could have been the cause of my infertility suffering. I came up with a few things that I've done wrong, but I couldn't come up with a reason for the infertility as a punishment. It just doesn't seem fair.

Then today during the sermon the preacher was preaching on reaching out to our neighbors and he played a video of a skit. The jist of it was that a new neighbor moved in (pregnant, of course) who was bed ridden because of preterm labor. The woman talked about how lonely she was because she knew no one, but she couldn't get out to meet anyone because she was on bed rest. The neighbor across the street wanted to go over and meet the new neighbor, but something always came up that prevented her from going over there. And she only saw the man around so she thought it was a bachelor living in the house until one day she saw a blue stork in the yard. So she finally went over and brought the woman a meal. But the kicker was when our pastor at the end of his sermon was talking about giving things to God. And so he started giving examples for people who were in different stages of life. His example for the newly married...those who were contemplating whether or not to have children. (Of course.) He was trying to get across that everyone, no matter what stage of life we're in, has struggles. That's our common thread, and when times are difficult we're supposed to give it to God. As if I hadn't already done that. But he acted like once we give it to God that everything would just be grand because we didn't have to worry anymore. It would be so easy to not worry about my infertility if I wasn't always bombarded with pregnancy/baby talk!! That's my problem. I just want to get away from all this. I don't want to worry about whether or not I'll ever be a mother or J will ever be a father. I've given my hopes and dreams and my hurts over to God so many times, but when it's constantly in my face it's hard to forget. I just want a break!!! What does a girl have to do to get away from this?