New Blog

I've started a new blog about my new journey through mommyhood. Blessings From Above. I have struggled with whether I should stay and blog here or move to another blog, and ultimately I felt like moving would be better. Not because I'm abandoning my IF life or any of my precious friends who are struggling with IF, but because I wanted Olivia to have her own blog that is full of excitement about her and only her. I never want anyone to think that we feel like our adoption cured our IF. The PCOS is still with me (thanks to the excess hair growth on my chin lol), and the babies that I miscarriaged will always have a special place in my heart. I will ALWAYS be grateful for ALL the advice and support that I have been given to get us to the point we're at. I just felt like I needed a place away from all the pain of IF to talk about our adoption and our precious little girl.

I know that I will lose some readers because some will no longer identify with me. And as much as I don't want to lose them, I know that each person has to do whatever is best for them, and if reading about our adoption and our daughter is too hard, then I would rather them stop reading and find another blog that they can identify with rather that always feeling like once again they've been left behind. I want each of you to know that I have always prayed for you regularly, and I will continue to do so. I will continue to read your blogs and follow your journeys to Mommyhood!!

Love,
Janna

Snowflake Adoption

http://www.wsoctv.com/seenon9/19407480/detail.html

We are friends with the donor couple, and I just wanted to share their incredible story! What an incredible gift, and I'm sure the adoptive mother had the most wonderful Mother's Day ever!

Research Opportunity

I received an email from Lisa Rosenzweig who is doing research for her dissertation on women's experiences with miscarriage. She asked me to put the link to her research survey on my blog with the hopes of having my readers help her learn more about our experiences with miscarriage. If you've suffered a miscarriage, please take the time to complete the survey. It doesn't take much time, and her results may help in how women who have suffered miscarriages are treated by medical professionals in the future!!

Below you'll find a summary of what she is doing. The link to her survey is https://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=VCaiTA9Wo6w60W8HA0QxSA_3d_3d

Thanks!!

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Everyone has a unique experience with miscarriage and many find help and support through websites like this one. Unfortunately, little is known about women's experiences of support and how this may affect responses to miscarriage, and so I invite you to participate in my dissertation research study examining women’s experiences following a miscarriage. Although there is no direct benefit to you, survey results may help healthcare providers better understand and meet the needs of women following miscarriage. This online survey takes approximately 15-20 minutes and is open to women who have miscarried a wanted pregnancy in the previous 6 months who are 18 years of age or older, living in the United States, and involved in a relationship with a significant other. Participants are eligible for a raffle for a $50 American Express gift certificate. For more information, please don't hesitate to contact me.

Lisa Rosenzweig
Teachers College
lsr2106@columbia.edu

Perfectly Described...

Someone on FF asked a question about whether the IF pain ever goes away once you adopt, and Tracie's response hit the nail on the head. It was just too good not to post.

For me, it's like a scar. When it was a fresh, open wound it hurt like nothing else. Every little bump made it bleed. Once I became a mommy it began to heal. It's all closed up now, but there's a scar. Scars are always there to remind us of where we've been and what has happened. Sometimes they can be a little bit tender and because they're there, you never look the same. But it's part of who you are.

I only wish I could have put it more perfectly! As I read her response I found myself nodding in agreement. There are times when I long to experience giving birth to our baby. It doesn't lessen how much love I feel for our girls, but the longing to have a biological child hasn't gone away. We are so in love with our girls, and I have come to terms with never having a child, but coming to terms with it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt when I hear about an "oops" pregnancy. IF will always be a part of my life...I guess it just doesn't knock me to my knees anymore thanks to the adoption of our girls.

Signing Day

THE TERMINATION PAPERS ARE SIGNED!!!!!!!!!!

We are BEYOND excited!!!

Now, our lawyer will file the papers with the court on the 11th day after signing (TX law). My parents are Little Bit's legal guardians and they will be given a court date once the papers are filed. At that point they will be given legal custody of Little Bit and we will begin the adoption process. As part of that, they will start the process of terminating the birthfather's rights.

Since my parents are now her legal guardians they are going to allow us to bring Little Bit back home with us next week!!! So moving day will be Nov. 18th!!

Olivia is 2 months old!!

Can you believe it??? Little Bit is 2 months old!! I'm just in awe of how much she's grown and changed, and how much she's learning to do. I love to hold her out in front of me so we can look at each other. She's studying my facial expressions, and I swear she's trying to mimmick me.



New things she's doing: She's big into "talking". Her coos are so cute! At first they were hit and miss, and I could never catch them on video, but she's beginning to get the hang of it now. She's smiling more. I especially love her first thing in the morning smiles. Totally makes my day!!

Election Day

Praise the Lord this day has finally come!!! I'm so sick of all the mudslinging and lies and the misleading commercials!! In fact, I'm so sick of it that I'm ready to see the "Head On" commercials again...that's pretty sad!!!

Exciting!!!

Mom talked to our lawyer today, and once C signs the paperwork on Saturday, we'll get to bring Little Bit home!!! J has to be in Houston for work Nov. 13-14, so we're gonna stay here until then, and once he gets off work on the 14th we'll head to BR!!! I'm so freakin' excited I can't see straight! This will be the BEST anniversary present EVER!!! (Our anniversary is Nov 16.) Once they gain guardianship our lawyer will start the process of getting the guardianship transferred to us. Then he'll start working on filing for termination of parental rights. We still have a long way to go before Little Bit is ours, but this is DEFINITELY a step in the right direction!!!

ETA: We had the ICPC (interstate Compact on the Placement of Children) filed with the courts early on in the process.

Meant to be???

If you'll take a look at my tickers you'll notice that the day our profiles were current and we were placed on "the waiting list" with each of our agencies was 1 month, 3 weeks and 4 days ago (September 3rd). And if you'll look at Little Bit's ticker, you'll notice that she is 1 month, 3 weeks and 3 days old (she was born on September 4th). But it gets even better!! The day that my parents called to tell me about Little bit was Tuesday, September 16th. That doesn't seem like much of a big thing until you learn that September 16th was my last day of work. But here's the weird part...it wouldn't have been my last day of work had Gustav not blown through. If the Hurricane hadn't come through Baton Rouge my last day of work would have been at the end of August. Coincidence? Not the way I see it. The way I see it all of this happened just as God wanted it to happen. With all that's happened thus far, I can only believe that the rest will fall into place just as God wants it to.

Pictures of Olivia

This was taken the day my parents brought Little Bit home from the hospital.


Her favorite place to nap is on my chest.


Snoozing in Miss Katye's arms.

Awww, how sweet!

Kristin loves my blog! Thanks girlie!!!

The way this works is I answer the following questions with single word responses, and pass the award on to 7 other bloggers:

**Some of my answers just couldn't be answered with a one word answer, so I cheated a little, but I did try to use as few words as possible.

1. Where is your cell phone? diaper bag

2. Where is your significant other? Baton Rouge

3. Your hair color? brown

4. Your mother? loving

5. Your father? dud

6. Your favorite thing? family

7. Your dream last night? nonexistent

8. Your dream/goal? motherhood

9. The room you're in? music room/office

10. Your hobby? scrapbooking

11. Your fear? losing loved ones

12. Where do you want to be in six years? home

13. Where were you last night? pool

14. What you're not? fashionable

15. One of your wish list items? 1 ct diamond studs

16. Where you grew up? Pasadena

17. The last thing you did? ate

18. What are you wearing? clothes

19. Your T.V.? Steal Magnolias

20. Your pet? dachshund

21. Your computer? desktop

22. Your mood? tired

23. Missing someone? terribly

24. Your car? CR-V

25. Something you're not wearing? shoes

26. Favorite store? Coach

27. Your Summer? HOT

28. Love someone? deeply

29. Your favorite color? purple

30. When is the last time you laughed? today

31. Last time you cried? yesterday

Here are seven blogs I love!

My Prayers, His Promises

Fertilized!

Reproductive Jeans

Life in the White House

Chick of Faith

Love, Hope and Faith

Reggie Boppy

My, How They Grow!!

I was looking at some pictures of Little Bit from when J and I first arrived here on Sept. 19 and I was just floored by how much she has changed in just a matter of weeks. Her cheeks are filling out, she's gotten a lot longer, and she's even gotten a double chin. She's as precious as ever!! She has been smiling in her sleep for some time now, but this morning I got a "wide awake" smile while I had her laying on my legs and I was making faces at her. I immediately started crying. I can't tell you how good it feels for people to be calling me "mommy", but today's little smile made my heart burst with love!!

We're having a bit more trouble with the spitting up. I'm wondering if we should switch to soy formula. Mom thinks we should wait until we see the doctor on Nov 6.
Little Bit was 6 weeks old on Thursday, so we packed up and traveled to Baton Rouge to see J. She did so well in the car. We stopped about every hour and a half to get her out of the seat, and I fully expected her to wail when we put her back in, but she didn't. When we got there several friends called and asked if they could come by to meet her. I was such a proud momma showing her off!!!

Yesterday was Littile Bit's first day at church. (But not our church in BR. We had to come back to Houston on Saturday b/c mom had some obligations at her church.) We had her dressed in a long pink dress with pretty white shoes on. She looked so pretty!! Everyone ooh-ed and ahh-ed over her, and I gushed with pride.

We got her pictures back that we had taken a couple weeks ago. I tried to scan a profile pic of her head in my hands, but mom's scanner isn't working. So you'll have to wait!

Guess I should go check on Little Bit. It's almost time for her 2:30 feeding!!

Cousins

My sister-in-law brought my niece down so they could meet Little Bit. J was so excited about her new cousin. She couldn't wait to hold her.

I'm Beyond Tired

Holy Moly...never in my life did I ever dream that I'd ever be this tired...AND ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!! I'm dragging, I'm napping when I can, and I've got cabin fever, but I am so extremely happy! I've heard it said that there is no deeper love than that of a mother for her child...I now know what they are talking about. Last night Little Bit had some very bad gas pains, and she was crying so much that I started crying. I couldn't stand for her to be in so much pain. We gave her My.lacon, and we massaged her tummy and pulled her knees up to her tummy to help relieve the pain, and finally after about an hour she settled down.

J and I got the furniture in the nursery all set up, and afterwards we laid in the middle of the floor and just marveled at the fact that 3 weeks ago we had no clue that our lives would change so drastically in just a short amount of time. Mom and I are taking Little Bit to meet all her friends in BR this weekend, and while we're there we're going to get the curtains hung and pictures on the wall. I'll post pictures when we get it finished. We'll be coming back to Houston on Saturday, but it will be nice to show off our little girl to all our friends.

I talked to my other SS (SS#2) yesterday, and she told me that she was so glad that J and I were going to step up and take responsibility for Little Bit. I told her that I wanted her to be an active part of her life, and she was welcome to see her at any time. I explained to her that adoptive children often wonder about their blood relatives, and most never get the opportunity to ever meet them, so this situation was such a rarity. She cried. I cried. It was a wonderful conversation. I'm very excited that she and her husband are coming down next weekend to meet Little Bit. I know it will be a very emotional time for everyone.

I don't have much time to sit and read your blogs b/c I'm napping when Little Bit is napping.

Hey Big Spender!!

We got back to BR Wednesday afternoon after a very hard goodbye to Little Bit. I've only known her for a week and a half, and I never knew it would be so hard to come home without her. Even if it is only for a few days!!

Yesterday we started cleaning out the nursery, we bought her furniture, and we also bought a "new to me" car...ALL IN ONE DAY!!! Her furniture is absolutely beautiful, and I can't wait to get it all set up. We're going to pick it up tomorrow morning!!!

J and I have known for a while now that we needed to replace his car, but we wanted to wait as long as possible so we could save up as much money as we could. In an ideal situation we would have liked to pay cash for it, but with me living in Hou.ston until we get custody of Little Bit, J will have to do lots of commuting on the weekends. So we started looking online last night at 5:30, and by 9:00 we had a new car!! We found an '06 Hon.da C.R-V at a nearby Hon.day dealership with only 19,000 miles on it. It was listed at $19,000, but we were able to pull the "price matters b/c we're adopting a baby" card and we got it for $17,288!!! Well, that and the fact that we had seen the same car at another dealership in New Or.leans (in a color I didn't want) with 15,000 miles on it for $17,000. We told the salesman that if we could get a comparible price we would rather buy from him b/c we didn't want to travel.

My Heart Overfloweth

Things are still going extremely well here. Sometimes I have to stop and pinch myself b/c it just doesn't seem real. I feel like I'm playing house. I know there are no guarantees that Little Bit will be ours, but my heart is so full of love for this little girl

We took Little Bit to get her pictures taken at Tar.get yesterday b/c the county hospital doesn't do newborn pics. She slept through the first two sittings (one was in my pink dress that I had my first pictures in, and the other was a fall outfit). Then we put her in a halloween body suit and she decided to wake up for those. The last sitting was Little Bit in her diaper laying on a blanket of pink artificial flowers. Oh my gosh they were so cute. By the end of that sitting she was getting fussy b/c she was cold, so the photographer had me rest her head in my hands. I started singing to her, and she got the best shot of Little Bit looking up at me. My heart melted when we saw that picture. Needless to say we spent a ton of money!

I'm in Love

I had no idea when I came here to Houston that it would take me just a matter of minutes to fall completely in love with Little Bit. We are having so much fun getting to know her, and I'm gonna brag here, but she is the best baby!! She hardly ever cries, and when she does she's very easily consoled. (I'm sure I just jinxed myself!) She eats like a pro, though burping is a little difficult. She's not a fan of the burping.

Yesterday mom and I went to Tar.get to pick up a few things, and before we left I went to freshen up. I looked in the mirror and saw the spit up on my shoulder and just smiled. I smiled b/c I'm normally all about looking "presentable", but at that moment I wanted to wear those stains with pride.

As I type J is in the other room cuddling with Little Bit, and Maddie (our dachshund) is laying on the bed next to him wondering why this little person is taking all her attention. Maddie has been very good with her, but we can definitely tell she's jealous. As soon as we pass the baby off, she immediately jumps in our lap. We're trying to let her sniff Little Bit and lie next to us when we are holding her.

My parents mailed the letter to Little Bit's birthmother (C). Hopefully in a couple weeks we'll hear back from her. We are praying that shed will recognize that in her current state she just can't provide for Little Bit like we can.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and good thoughts. I feel like I'm in a dream world. I know this process could take a while before she's "ours", but we are hoping and praying it all goes smoothly and she's in our home by Thanksgiving.

I will try to post pictures of Little Bit tomorrow.

I knew Y'all Would Come Through for Me!!

I can't tell you how much your comments have meant to J and me. The other night, J was looking over my shoulder when your comments started coming in so we read them all together. Later he came back in and said, "anymore comments?" It was cute!

Mom and Charley brought Little Bit home from the hospital yesterday after many hours waiting for her meds and taking a few parenting and CPR classes. Mom sent me a picture of her with her cell phone. She's pretty darn cute!!

I'm having a hard time getting my feelings across about all this, but I'll try my best so bear with me. J asked if I felt obligated or forced to do this b/c it's my step-dad's grandchild, and I said no, but at the same time I felt like I couldn't say no. I know that doesn't make sense, but I have this feeling in my gut that it's just the right thing for us, so by turning this situation down I feel like we would be making a very selfish decision. Now to some of you it might sound like I feel obligated, but it's not that. And maybe that's just God whispering that He's got it all covered and I have nothing to worry about so that's why I feel so at peace about it. I think that if I was doing this out of obligation then I wouldn't feel at peace about it. Does any of that make sense??? J and I have talked about this in great length, we have prayed about it, and we both feel like we are prepared to give this precious child all the love she deserves. We don't feel like we're rushing into anything that we'll later regret. We're going to continue to pray that the Lord will spare her from her medical issues, but if for some reason He doesn't, we are going to do everything we can to make sure that she has a normal life and feels secure in who she is as she grows up.

J and I are going to spend the weekend at my parent's house to meet Olivia. We're very excited!! J will come home Sunday so he can work all next week, but I'm going to stay thru the 8th. Then he'll come back the following weekend so that we can go with my parents to see Little Bit's dr. on Oct. 7th. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to ask the doctor all the questions that we have swirling around in our heads.

Can't Think of an Appropriate Title

My mom called today to tell me that they were getting custody of my step-dad's daughter's, (C)  2.5 week old baby girl. C has had a lot of problems. Mom and Charley (my step-dad) have been given temporary custody of the baby and are picking her up from the hospital today.
What mom wanted to know is if J and I were interested in adopting the baby if they are given guardianship of her. The baby has several medical issues, but none are life threatening and can be easily be managed. I know this will be months down the road, but I want Charley to be in her life, and if she's adopted to someone they don't know, he will only get to see her a few times a year. If we adopt her then he can see her whenever he wishes.
So, that's what's going on in our house! It's all so crazy and unexpected. I don't want to get excited yet b/c there's a long road to go down. We are thanking God that this precious baby girl made it into the world safely, and we're praying that the medical issues that she has can be overcome and she'll be a healthy little girl.
I'll update you as I know more!

I'm Feeling So Blessed!!

I don't know why, but for some reason today, I am feeling extremely blessed. I know I should always feel blessed, and I do, but today it's different. Nothing special happened today to make me feel more blessed than I normally do. But for some reason today my heart feels so full!! Y'all are probably so completely confused by now, and I'm sorry I can't put into better words how I'm feeling.

I'm thankful for...

• the BEAUTIFUL weather we've had this week. It's just been AMAZING...clear blue skies, soft breezes blowing, low humidity, highs in the low-mid 80's and lows in the 60's. It's just been one of those weeks where I want to spend every moment outdoors.
• that my family and friends made it through Ike okay. Mom has power and no damage to their house.
• my wonderful husband. I know I complain at how he doesn't help around the house enough, and I roll my eyes when he leaves things lying around b/c he doesn't think about putting them away probably b/c he knows I'll do it for him, but I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!! I don't know what I would do without him.
• for my bloggy readers who let me rant when I need to and don't judge me, offer support when I'm on my knees, and celebrate the the successes along with me. You girls are the best!!!
• my infertility...That probably made y'all say "huh?" But today I received an email from a friend, M. She has a friend named Whitney who recently had a m/c at 10 weeks. Had I not had my losses, M would not have come to me to ask what she can do for Whitney, and I would not have been able to offer words of wisdom, books to recommend for her to read, or recommend something tangible to buy for her that will serve as a reminder of how precious her little angel is. I know that helping other isn't the reason God allowed my losses to occur, but now that I'm in a more healthy place I am able to see this as a positive thing that came from our pain. A year ago I never would have dreamed that I would be where I am today. I felt stuck in my pain, and today I feel free. I'll never forget our journey, but looking back I'm amazed at how far I've come, and quite honestly it's ALL BY THE GRACE OF GOD!!

I hope you all know that I pray for you often. Sometimes it's by name b/c I feel burdened to do so, but other times it's a prayer for "my bloggy friends". God knows who you are!! If there's ever anything you want me to pray for you about, please email me and let me know!! I would LOVE to pray for you about anything specific that's on your heart!! I know there are several of you who don't worship God or pray, and I hope that I haven't offended you by praying for you!!

I just have to say...

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! Just reading your comments about how you also think the comments from my last post are absurd just makes my day!! Really it does!!


The worst part about this...the comments were made on a FERTILITY SITE!!!! I hang my head in shame at these people's ignorance!!! I realize we all have differing political views, but regardless of what they are...we are talking about CHILDREN here! And no matter how you go about getting them, whether through ART, or private adoption or foster-adopt, no one should be chastised or put down for the methods they choose!!!


I'm sorry to post my rantings about this, but it's all part of the adoption process, and since more people wanted to know about our journey I decided to post the good, the bad, and the ugly! That's all I'll say about that!! Back to our regularly scheduled blogging!!! *giggle*

I'm Ranting...You've Been Warned!

I am so tired of hearing people complain about how many children are in the foster care system and insinuating that we should be adopting them rather than adopting an infant. The direct quote in a thread about how the foster care system was going to get overloaded if abortion was legalized was,

"I think the problem is that many people are waiting/wanting to adopt an "infant", but there are already many "children" available for adoption."

I'm just not seeing how we're the problem. So I told her that the problem wasn't us wanting an infant. The problem is that there are far too many parents out there who have no clue how to parent. I saw it first hand when I was a teacher, and it broke my heart how children were treated, neglected, and left to fend for themselves while their parents partied all night. I then went on to say that I was in favor of free counseling and parenting classes and even mentoring programs for those who are needing some help. Now, I am not so niave to believe that counseling will fix all of their problems, but I think it can help a good number of them and give them a place to start.

I also took the time to let her know how offended I was at her comment. I just don't understand why those of us who can't have biological children are supposed to rid the system of all foster children. If I could have a biological child I would get an infant, so why is it that since I can't have a child that I should no longer want an infant or no longer deserve to adopt one? That thought process just boggles my mind. I am not opposed to adopting through the foster system, and since private adoptions are so pricey, that may be the way we go aobut adopting our next child, but to say that we are the problem there are so many children in foster care is just ludicrous.

Then the arguement was raised that there would be no way for these girls who can no longer receive an abortion to pay for their medical care while they're pregnant without a universal healthcare system in place.

So once again I chimed in and told them that women are allowed to receive Medicaid while they are pregnant so they can receive proper prenatal care.

Someone then said that she felt there would be more women dumping their babies in back alleys, garbage cans, etc...

I mentioned the "safe baby haven" program that the government has set up that allows a mother to drop her baby off at a police station, hospital, or fire station with no questions asked. I admit that this program was not perfect, and there needed to be more advertising about it on fac.ebo.ok, my.spa.ce, tv, etc... But I believe it's cut down on the number of abandonments dramatically.

I used to have a saying that I said quite a lot, "I hate stupid people." But I've quit saying it b/c it can be quite offensive. However, in this case I believe I will pull it out of the closet!!

Okay...rant over...back to my normal happy blogging self!!

Yikes...Ike!!!

My parents live in Pasadena (southeast Houston), and they are weathering the storm. Many of my friends evacuated b/c they live closer to the coast, but mom's zip code never came up as a mandatory evac. They have boarded up the house, and they have all the necessities, but I'm still so worried about them! Please keep them in your prayers.

Here's a Friday Funny...

During Gustav I wasn't able to call my mom to give her updates, so I would text her to tell her we were still alive and doing well, but she would never text me back. So last night she called me and asked me how "this texting thing" works. She told me that the news channels were telling everyone that texting would work even if calls couldn't go through. So I gave her a short tutorial, and then she sent me a practice text. This was the text..."Imlearninghowtotext". (obviously without the quotes.) So I gave her a call back to teach her how to put spaces into her message. J and I got a good laugh thinking about my mom sitting there during the storm texting us. I'm so proud of my techno savvy mom!!!