Perfectly Described...

Someone on FF asked a question about whether the IF pain ever goes away once you adopt, and Tracie's response hit the nail on the head. It was just too good not to post.

For me, it's like a scar. When it was a fresh, open wound it hurt like nothing else. Every little bump made it bleed. Once I became a mommy it began to heal. It's all closed up now, but there's a scar. Scars are always there to remind us of where we've been and what has happened. Sometimes they can be a little bit tender and because they're there, you never look the same. But it's part of who you are.

I only wish I could have put it more perfectly! As I read her response I found myself nodding in agreement. There are times when I long to experience giving birth to our baby. It doesn't lessen how much love I feel for our girls, but the longing to have a biological child hasn't gone away. We are so in love with our girls, and I have come to terms with never having a child, but coming to terms with it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt when I hear about an "oops" pregnancy. IF will always be a part of my life...I guess it just doesn't knock me to my knees anymore thanks to the adoption of our girls.

Signing Day

THE TERMINATION PAPERS ARE SIGNED!!!!!!!!!!

We are BEYOND excited!!!

Now, our lawyer will file the papers with the court on the 11th day after signing (TX law). My parents are Little Bit's legal guardians and they will be given a court date once the papers are filed. At that point they will be given legal custody of Little Bit and we will begin the adoption process. As part of that, they will start the process of terminating the birthfather's rights.

Since my parents are now her legal guardians they are going to allow us to bring Little Bit back home with us next week!!! So moving day will be Nov. 18th!!

Exciting!!!

Mom talked to our lawyer today, and once C signs the paperwork on Saturday, we'll get to bring Little Bit home!!! J has to be in Houston for work Nov. 13-14, so we're gonna stay here until then, and once he gets off work on the 14th we'll head to BR!!! I'm so freakin' excited I can't see straight! This will be the BEST anniversary present EVER!!! (Our anniversary is Nov 16.) Once they gain guardianship our lawyer will start the process of getting the guardianship transferred to us. Then he'll start working on filing for termination of parental rights. We still have a long way to go before Little Bit is ours, but this is DEFINITELY a step in the right direction!!!

ETA: We had the ICPC (interstate Compact on the Placement of Children) filed with the courts early on in the process.

Meant to be???

If you'll take a look at my tickers you'll notice that the day our profiles were current and we were placed on "the waiting list" with each of our agencies was 1 month, 3 weeks and 4 days ago (September 3rd). And if you'll look at Little Bit's ticker, you'll notice that she is 1 month, 3 weeks and 3 days old (she was born on September 4th). But it gets even better!! The day that my parents called to tell me about Little bit was Tuesday, September 16th. That doesn't seem like much of a big thing until you learn that September 16th was my last day of work. But here's the weird part...it wouldn't have been my last day of work had Gustav not blown through. If the Hurricane hadn't come through Baton Rouge my last day of work would have been at the end of August. Coincidence? Not the way I see it. The way I see it all of this happened just as God wanted it to happen. With all that's happened thus far, I can only believe that the rest will fall into place just as God wants it to.

Pictures of Olivia

This was taken the day my parents brought Little Bit home from the hospital.


Her favorite place to nap is on my chest.


Snoozing in Miss Katye's arms.

My, How They Grow!!

I was looking at some pictures of Little Bit from when J and I first arrived here on Sept. 19 and I was just floored by how much she has changed in just a matter of weeks. Her cheeks are filling out, she's gotten a lot longer, and she's even gotten a double chin. She's as precious as ever!! She has been smiling in her sleep for some time now, but this morning I got a "wide awake" smile while I had her laying on my legs and I was making faces at her. I immediately started crying. I can't tell you how good it feels for people to be calling me "mommy", but today's little smile made my heart burst with love!!

We're having a bit more trouble with the spitting up. I'm wondering if we should switch to soy formula. Mom thinks we should wait until we see the doctor on Nov 6.
Little Bit was 6 weeks old on Thursday, so we packed up and traveled to Baton Rouge to see J. She did so well in the car. We stopped about every hour and a half to get her out of the seat, and I fully expected her to wail when we put her back in, but she didn't. When we got there several friends called and asked if they could come by to meet her. I was such a proud momma showing her off!!!

Yesterday was Littile Bit's first day at church. (But not our church in BR. We had to come back to Houston on Saturday b/c mom had some obligations at her church.) We had her dressed in a long pink dress with pretty white shoes on. She looked so pretty!! Everyone ooh-ed and ahh-ed over her, and I gushed with pride.

We got her pictures back that we had taken a couple weeks ago. I tried to scan a profile pic of her head in my hands, but mom's scanner isn't working. So you'll have to wait!

Guess I should go check on Little Bit. It's almost time for her 2:30 feeding!!

Cousins

My sister-in-law brought my niece down so they could meet Little Bit. J was so excited about her new cousin. She couldn't wait to hold her.

I'm Beyond Tired

Holy Moly...never in my life did I ever dream that I'd ever be this tired...AND ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!! I'm dragging, I'm napping when I can, and I've got cabin fever, but I am so extremely happy! I've heard it said that there is no deeper love than that of a mother for her child...I now know what they are talking about. Last night Little Bit had some very bad gas pains, and she was crying so much that I started crying. I couldn't stand for her to be in so much pain. We gave her My.lacon, and we massaged her tummy and pulled her knees up to her tummy to help relieve the pain, and finally after about an hour she settled down.

J and I got the furniture in the nursery all set up, and afterwards we laid in the middle of the floor and just marveled at the fact that 3 weeks ago we had no clue that our lives would change so drastically in just a short amount of time. Mom and I are taking Little Bit to meet all her friends in BR this weekend, and while we're there we're going to get the curtains hung and pictures on the wall. I'll post pictures when we get it finished. We'll be coming back to Houston on Saturday, but it will be nice to show off our little girl to all our friends.

I talked to my other SS (SS#2) yesterday, and she told me that she was so glad that J and I were going to step up and take responsibility for Little Bit. I told her that I wanted her to be an active part of her life, and she was welcome to see her at any time. I explained to her that adoptive children often wonder about their blood relatives, and most never get the opportunity to ever meet them, so this situation was such a rarity. She cried. I cried. It was a wonderful conversation. I'm very excited that she and her husband are coming down next weekend to meet Little Bit. I know it will be a very emotional time for everyone.

I don't have much time to sit and read your blogs b/c I'm napping when Little Bit is napping.

Hey Big Spender!!

We got back to BR Wednesday afternoon after a very hard goodbye to Little Bit. I've only known her for a week and a half, and I never knew it would be so hard to come home without her. Even if it is only for a few days!!

Yesterday we started cleaning out the nursery, we bought her furniture, and we also bought a "new to me" car...ALL IN ONE DAY!!! Her furniture is absolutely beautiful, and I can't wait to get it all set up. We're going to pick it up tomorrow morning!!!

J and I have known for a while now that we needed to replace his car, but we wanted to wait as long as possible so we could save up as much money as we could. In an ideal situation we would have liked to pay cash for it, but with me living in Hou.ston until we get custody of Little Bit, J will have to do lots of commuting on the weekends. So we started looking online last night at 5:30, and by 9:00 we had a new car!! We found an '06 Hon.da C.R-V at a nearby Hon.day dealership with only 19,000 miles on it. It was listed at $19,000, but we were able to pull the "price matters b/c we're adopting a baby" card and we got it for $17,288!!! Well, that and the fact that we had seen the same car at another dealership in New Or.leans (in a color I didn't want) with 15,000 miles on it for $17,000. We told the salesman that if we could get a comparible price we would rather buy from him b/c we didn't want to travel.

My Heart Overfloweth

Things are still going extremely well here. Sometimes I have to stop and pinch myself b/c it just doesn't seem real. I feel like I'm playing house. I know there are no guarantees that Little Bit will be ours, but my heart is so full of love for this little girl

We took Little Bit to get her pictures taken at Tar.get yesterday b/c the county hospital doesn't do newborn pics. She slept through the first two sittings (one was in my pink dress that I had my first pictures in, and the other was a fall outfit). Then we put her in a halloween body suit and she decided to wake up for those. The last sitting was Little Bit in her diaper laying on a blanket of pink artificial flowers. Oh my gosh they were so cute. By the end of that sitting she was getting fussy b/c she was cold, so the photographer had me rest her head in my hands. I started singing to her, and she got the best shot of Little Bit looking up at me. My heart melted when we saw that picture. Needless to say we spent a ton of money!

I knew Y'all Would Come Through for Me!!

I can't tell you how much your comments have meant to J and me. The other night, J was looking over my shoulder when your comments started coming in so we read them all together. Later he came back in and said, "anymore comments?" It was cute!

Mom and Charley brought Little Bit home from the hospital yesterday after many hours waiting for her meds and taking a few parenting and CPR classes. Mom sent me a picture of her with her cell phone. She's pretty darn cute!!

I'm having a hard time getting my feelings across about all this, but I'll try my best so bear with me. J asked if I felt obligated or forced to do this b/c it's my step-dad's grandchild, and I said no, but at the same time I felt like I couldn't say no. I know that doesn't make sense, but I have this feeling in my gut that it's just the right thing for us, so by turning this situation down I feel like we would be making a very selfish decision. Now to some of you it might sound like I feel obligated, but it's not that. And maybe that's just God whispering that He's got it all covered and I have nothing to worry about so that's why I feel so at peace about it. I think that if I was doing this out of obligation then I wouldn't feel at peace about it. Does any of that make sense??? J and I have talked about this in great length, we have prayed about it, and we both feel like we are prepared to give this precious child all the love she deserves. We don't feel like we're rushing into anything that we'll later regret. We're going to continue to pray that the Lord will spare her from her medical issues, but if for some reason He doesn't, we are going to do everything we can to make sure that she has a normal life and feels secure in who she is as she grows up.

J and I are going to spend the weekend at my parent's house to meet Olivia. We're very excited!! J will come home Sunday so he can work all next week, but I'm going to stay thru the 8th. Then he'll come back the following weekend so that we can go with my parents to see Little Bit's dr. on Oct. 7th. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to ask the doctor all the questions that we have swirling around in our heads.

Can't Think of an Appropriate Title

My mom called today to tell me that they were getting custody of my step-dad's daughter's, (C)  2.5 week old baby girl. C has had a lot of problems. Mom and Charley (my step-dad) have been given temporary custody of the baby and are picking her up from the hospital today.
What mom wanted to know is if J and I were interested in adopting the baby if they are given guardianship of her. The baby has several medical issues, but none are life threatening and can be easily be managed. I know this will be months down the road, but I want Charley to be in her life, and if she's adopted to someone they don't know, he will only get to see her a few times a year. If we adopt her then he can see her whenever he wishes.
So, that's what's going on in our house! It's all so crazy and unexpected. I don't want to get excited yet b/c there's a long road to go down. We are thanking God that this precious baby girl made it into the world safely, and we're praying that the medical issues that she has can be overcome and she'll be a healthy little girl.
I'll update you as I know more!

I just have to say...

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! Just reading your comments about how you also think the comments from my last post are absurd just makes my day!! Really it does!!


The worst part about this...the comments were made on a FERTILITY SITE!!!! I hang my head in shame at these people's ignorance!!! I realize we all have differing political views, but regardless of what they are...we are talking about CHILDREN here! And no matter how you go about getting them, whether through ART, or private adoption or foster-adopt, no one should be chastised or put down for the methods they choose!!!


I'm sorry to post my rantings about this, but it's all part of the adoption process, and since more people wanted to know about our journey I decided to post the good, the bad, and the ugly! That's all I'll say about that!! Back to our regularly scheduled blogging!!! *giggle*

I'm Ranting...You've Been Warned!

I am so tired of hearing people complain about how many children are in the foster care system and insinuating that we should be adopting them rather than adopting an infant. The direct quote in a thread about how the foster care system was going to get overloaded if abortion was legalized was,

"I think the problem is that many people are waiting/wanting to adopt an "infant", but there are already many "children" available for adoption."

I'm just not seeing how we're the problem. So I told her that the problem wasn't us wanting an infant. The problem is that there are far too many parents out there who have no clue how to parent. I saw it first hand when I was a teacher, and it broke my heart how children were treated, neglected, and left to fend for themselves while their parents partied all night. I then went on to say that I was in favor of free counseling and parenting classes and even mentoring programs for those who are needing some help. Now, I am not so niave to believe that counseling will fix all of their problems, but I think it can help a good number of them and give them a place to start.

I also took the time to let her know how offended I was at her comment. I just don't understand why those of us who can't have biological children are supposed to rid the system of all foster children. If I could have a biological child I would get an infant, so why is it that since I can't have a child that I should no longer want an infant or no longer deserve to adopt one? That thought process just boggles my mind. I am not opposed to adopting through the foster system, and since private adoptions are so pricey, that may be the way we go aobut adopting our next child, but to say that we are the problem there are so many children in foster care is just ludicrous.

Then the arguement was raised that there would be no way for these girls who can no longer receive an abortion to pay for their medical care while they're pregnant without a universal healthcare system in place.

So once again I chimed in and told them that women are allowed to receive Medicaid while they are pregnant so they can receive proper prenatal care.

Someone then said that she felt there would be more women dumping their babies in back alleys, garbage cans, etc...

I mentioned the "safe baby haven" program that the government has set up that allows a mother to drop her baby off at a police station, hospital, or fire station with no questions asked. I admit that this program was not perfect, and there needed to be more advertising about it on fac.ebo.ok, my.spa.ce, tv, etc... But I believe it's cut down on the number of abandonments dramatically.

I used to have a saying that I said quite a lot, "I hate stupid people." But I've quit saying it b/c it can be quite offensive. However, in this case I believe I will pull it out of the closet!!

Okay...rant over...back to my normal happy blogging self!!

Doing the Happy Dance!!

As of today, we are on the BR agency list!!!!! Yes people...we are FINALLY waiting for a baby with BOTH agencies!! I can't tell you how happy I am!!! (Though I'm sure you can guess based on the number of exclamation marks I'm using! lol)

My mom called a couple days ago to tell me about a maternity home for teens near my hometown. She asked me if I wanted her to go check out the place and see if they do adoptions or contract out with a local agency. I told her, "Sure." Well, yesterday she calls to tell me that a friend of ours from church (who is a homebound teacher for the school district I used to work for) is getting a 9th grade girl from that maternity home today! So of course, my mom is DYING to know everything about the home, and Mrs. Carolyn is DYING to check things out for us! I'm just sitting here laughing at them b/c they are so excited about this. It's nice to know that people are as excited as we are about adopting. I'm asking for prayers, not that this girl will place her baby with us (though it would be so sweet), but that you would keep her in your prayers b/c she has many decisions to make about her future. I can only imagine how scared and confused she is.

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I don't want to log off without mentioning the importance of today...9/11/08. I can remember so vividly where I was 7 years ago today. I was teaching my class of 3rd graders when my team leader came in and told me to put a movie in for the kids and meet her in the empty classroom in our pod. We were all bawling, and for the rest of the day we watched the events unfold while our students unknowingly sat in our classrooms watching movies and playing games. We were on lockdown for a few hours, and eventually had to lift the order b/c parents were standing outside the school wanting to pick their children up and take them home to hold them tight. I still get chills thinking about it.

The unimaginable had happened on our own soil! I was afraid for all the people in NYC, DC and Pennsylvania. I was afraid for my mother-in-law-to-be who was vacationing in DC that day, and I was afraid for my husband-to-be b/c he worked at a chemical plant, and at the time we were getting reports that american chemical plants could be huge targets for terrorists.

Please keep the family members and friends of those who lost their lives in your prayers. And please remember those who survived. I hope and pray that we never have to experience ANYTHING like that again!! And last, please pray for our troops who are overseas seeing to it that we don't have to!!

America's response to that horrible day made me so proud to be an American!!!

What?!?

We got a letter from the MS agency this weekend, and they are saying it could be "up to a 3 year wait for a caucasian baby". WHAT?!? They never even hinted at that when I asked them at the information meeting! Of course, my questions was, "How long is your average wait?". Yikes!!! Guess I need to get on my knees a lot more than I already am!!

ETA: We have said we were open to other races, but b/c we listed caucasian as one of those races, we got the letter.

Jumping for Joy!!!

I got a call from the MS agency this morning, and we are on the list and waiting for our profile to be shown!!!!! I can't tell you how excited I am!!!

Stupid Gustav Part Deaux

I decided to Fed.Ex the photobooks and letter to the MS agency. It's guaranteed to get there tomorrow before the chaos hits! WOO HOO!!! So everything is turned in to them, and we should be in their books very soon! (Until they come back and tell us we have something else to do. If there's one thing I've learned about adoption agencies...they tend to test your patience. Just when you think you've gotten it all done, they spring something else on ya!) So here's hoping we're FINALLY DONE and waiting on our baby!!!!

The social worker from the BR agency called to ask us what we thought about their new program to allow us to put our profiles on their new website. (I think it's a great idea, btw.) So while I had her on the phone I nailed down a date for us to have a pow-pow. (For those who don't remember...we've already completed our HS, but since this agency didn't do it, she likes to sit down and talk so she can get to know us a little better.) So that meeting is scheduled for Sept. 9. At that meeting I'll give her our letter and then we'll be in their books!! YIPPEE!!!

J found out that he doesn't have to be at the plant during the storm, but he will probably have to work from home if a situation arises. Hmmm, wonder if Ex.xon has figured out how to get him logged into their network without using electricity b/c barring a miracle, we're gonna lose power. Guess we'll find out on Tuesday when this thing makes landfall.

And lastly...I'm getting laid off in a couple weeks. Now before you go getting all worried...this is a part-time job (not even that, I work 14 hours a week max), and I only took it b/c the BCM (Baptist Collegiate Ministry) director at LSU was in dire need of some help while they were building their new facility. Now that we're in the new place, it turns out that they hadn't budgeted for a $2500 electric bill each month, so since I'm just "fluff" here, they are having to let me go b/c they can't afford to pay me. So, while it was nice to have my small paycheck to add to the "baby fund" in our savings account, J and I will be fine, and I will not be applying for unemployment! I am sad about leaving...I'll never find a job as flexible as it is here, and I've gotten to know several of the college students that I will miss (even if they do make me feel old sometimes, lol). I am, however, looking forward to getting back in the gym 5 days a week (until another part-time venture comes my way).

Tah-tah for now...or as Tigger would say...TTFN!!

Stupid Gustav!!!!

Well I was gonna get our letter and photobooks mailed out today, but I'm afraid to mail them with Gustav out there. I'm afraid it'll get lost in the mail should electricity be out for a long period of time. Geez...why must this be so hard?????

Even worse news...I get to ride out the hurricane (if it hits here, and it's pretty likely it will) b/c Jon will have to be at work. I'm toying with heading to Houston to stay with my folks, but I haven't decided yet. My parents are on vacation all next week, but they will be hanging around the house getting some projects finished up. I tried to get them to come here and bring their generator so we could have a hurricane party, but for some reason they just don't want to do that. What's up with that??? Where's the love??? lol

What's Next?

Jill commented on my last post and wanted to know what the next step was.

I will turn our letters in to both of the agencies that we're working with along with our photobook. Then we'll officially be waiting to be selected by an expectant mother (EM). One of our agencies will allow us to post our letters and picture on their website,and if the EM finds the site, likes us and wants to meet us, she will have to go through that agency for the adoption. There are websites out there with databases full of profiles that EM's from all over the country can browse through. Many of those adoptive parents are going the private route and working with a lawyer. There are pros and cons to doing a private adoption and going with an agency. Wedecided we wanted to go with an agency b/c of the services that they provide the EM's.

So basically all the hard stuff (meetings with the social worker, home study, background checks, finanial records, autobiographies, applications, etc...) has all been turned in, and once I get the letter and our photobooks in the mail we'll be officially in our agencies books and waiting on a baby! YEA!!!