Updates

On the party...

It went fine. Thanks for the prayers and positive thoughts ladies!!! I didn't have to answer the dreaded "When are y'all gonna have kids?" question. THANK GOD!!! There was, of course, talk of pregnancies, but I left the room and found other people to talk to when it got to be too much. I did get annoyed once when one of the preggies talked about how she hated not being able to sleep at night. Now, she wasn't really complaining per se, but it really struck a nerve with me. I wanted to say, "Well this is your third child. It's not like you didn't know that sleeping would be difficult at times. If it bothered you so much then why get pregnant again?" But I didn't. I just smiled, but inside I was rolling my eyes. It just urks me when preggies gripe about their symptoms as if they're horrible burdens. Yes, I know they're annoying. Shoot, who wants to be constipated, nauseated, fatigued, etc... But it's TEMPORARY!!! I would give both my legs to know what that feels like!!!


On cycle stuff...

Not feeling pregnant, just miserable from the Met. As much as I'd like for this nausea, heartburn and fatigue to be pregnancy related I know it's not. My temps tanked this morning so I know AF is on her way. Which in all honesty, I'm okay with. I didn't have a good feeling about this cycle anyway. But, here's my dilema...(there always is one with me, huh?)...I don't know whether to go in for my monthly "I'm not pregnant" appt (just not for the clomid) and talk to Dr. K about what to do next. I can't stress enough how much I REALLY don't want to go back on BCP. I want to give the Met a little more time to normalize my cycle. Or should I just do things on my own, not call to let Dr. K know I'm CD1 (whenever that occurs), not go on BCP, let the Met do it's thing (if it's going to) and then see what happens? I'm more than likely going to have to go back on anti-inflammatories, but I'd like to not prevent, but not whole heartedly try. KWIM?

1 Week Down

And 1 to go. I'm not really analyzing my chart. I know better. Just putting in my temps and logging off. I haven't even been on the FF and LP boards much. I just don't feel like chatting with people who want to know about my symptoms and who look at my chart and get all excited with a temp jump or dip. Nope. This cycle I'm taking it easy and rolling with the punches. I don't want to get all excited for nothing. Isn't it sad what this journey does over time?

Please say a prayer for me tonight (if you're the praying type). I'm invited to MW's (my fertile myrtle friend) house for a Pamp.ered Ch.ef (PC) party, and 3 of the ladies who will be there are pregnant. I'm SOOO not looking forward to this, but I don't want to hurt MW's feelings by not going, and honestly, I REALLY like PC stuff, and there are things that I really want to buy. So I'm going. I'm going to suck it up and go. Please Lord...don't let there be too much pregnancy happiness!!!! I know I'm almost through the tww, and there's a possiblility that I am pregnant right now, but I'm in that "I have no idea, but I don't really think I am" stage so I really don't want to hear about all their pregnancies. Maybe I should show up late just in time for the demonstration and ordering. Hmmmm, that's an idea.

WTHeck?

No temp rise this morning!!! OMG!!! We just wasted $400 on an ill timed IUI. I'm so freakin' frustrated, confused, etc... Guess we'll keep on BD'ing until my temp decides to do something. This cycle has been so weird. I've never O'd this late, but I did start Met this cycle so I guess anything new can throw off a cycle. I never felt sharp O pains, but last night I felt a few little somethings, so I was so sure I was O'ing last night. I never got a true + opk. But then again, I was using some pretty cheap tests so I just went with the one that corresponded with my CP and CM. Now I'm just pissed!!! Help!!! For you charting experts...click on the my charting ticker and tell me what you think!!!!

UGH I HATE THIS!!!!!!

IUI #3 Done

Here's the run down...

Pre Wash:
193.3 million (Woo Hoo!!)
41.4% motile (not great, but not terrible)
160.1 million motile
3.5 grade

Post Wash and Post Gradiant Separation:
80 million
4.0 grade
I forgot to write down the % motile (Oops!)

This time J had enough swimmers to do the gradiant separation which we've never had done before because his numbers weren't high enough. So that's a HUGE plus!!!

The IUI itself was far less painful than it's been in the past. Only a speculum this time. He didn't have to use the tenaculum to manipulate my cervix!! YEA!!!

Dr. K put his hands together like he was praying after he was finished and said, "Please let this be the one. Please let this be the one." Then he said, "Sorry to be so unprofessional, but we need some divine intervention here."

So I said, "If you only knew how many times I'd prayed for this to work..."

He laughed and said, "I know, I know."


He said we needed a plan, and told me that if this one doesn't work that he's sending me to the RE because he thinks I need injectables. I told him about my arthritis flare up and told him that we were calling it quits if this one doesn't work. He told me he felt like I should take the anti-inflammatories to get me through the flare up and then try again with the RE when I was feeling better. And, if my arthritis does get back under control then that's probably what we'll do, but we aren't going to do injectables because it's just too costly. So at this point it's just a waiting game. And there are so many variables that will affect our decision...

*If the IUI doesn't work, do I have to go back on birth control?

*If the Metformin does it's job and I start ovulating on my own, can we still ttc if I'm taking anti-inflammatories?

*If my hormone levels get back to where they're supposed to be and my flare up subsides, how far will we go with the RE? I mean, everyone has to have a stopping point, right?

But I guess for now, we wait and see.

From what I've read, progesterone levels help with arthritis pain, so I'm praying that my progesterone levels are high enough now that I'm back on the Clomid to get me feeling better in the next couple of weeks. And if that happens then we'll keep going. If not, then we're quitting. Maybe not permanently, but we're moving on to adoption for the time being. We may pick it up again somewhere down the road, and honestly I hope we can because I'm so anxious to get a child in this home. But as long as I'm feeling the way I am I think it's best to just move on to adoption if this IUI doesn't work.

+...I think

I don't know if I got a + OPK this morning or not (I stupidly bought a different brand than I normally use), but according to all my other signs I'm about to O. IUI #3 is scheduled for tomorrow morning. Wish us luck!!!

Where, Oh Where...

...is my + OPK??? Here it is CD17, and I have yet to get a + OPK. FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!

I'm beginning to change my mind about the IUI. I'll spare you the details, but I'm already tired of trying to figure out when and when not to BD. That stress alone is enough to drive me batty. Since this is our last cycle ttc I want to give it everything we've got. So the perfectionist in me feels a great deal of urgency, and when I'm feeling like that it tends to stress J out. And when he gets stressed, well...I won't go there, but I'm sure y'all know what I mean.

So, I guess it'll be a last minute decision. When/if I ever get the + OPK I'll make the decision whether or not to do the IUI.