GRRRRRR!!!!

I will be ranting...consider yourself warned!!!

J has been working so much, and this is driving me insane!! He's not "here" even when he's sitting on the couch next to me. I'm just so tired of his new job. I keep thinking about what I'm going to do when I have a baby here all day with me and he doesn't get home in time to help with ANYTHING. My friend MW is going through the baby blues right now, and I know a lot of that is hormones, but a big part of it is her feeling like she can't get away for a moment alone and the fact that she hasn't gotten a good night's sleep in weeks. I won't experience all the post-pregnancy hormones, but I will experience the extreme fatigue and the longing to get away (even if it's to go to work), and it makes me very anxious about motherhood because J is already working so much now. And it won't change when a baby is here. He just has too many responsibilities at work.

So last night J was complaining about his job again, but this time I chimed in. I have been very good about being supportive when he's too tired to do anything or when he's griping about work. But yesterday it all got to me, so I chimed in, and he got mad at me!!!! GRRRRR!!! I tried really hard to get him to understand that this isn't just about him. That it affects me too. And I tried to talk to him without crying, but the tears started flowing as soon as I said, "This isn't just about you, you know."

I know I'm thinking WAY ahead here, but I can't help it. I dread being at home alone, but add all the responsibilities of a newborn to all the ones I already have, and life without much help just doesn't sound appealing. I feel for J, I really do. It's not anything he can help. I guess who I'm mad at is his company. How they can expect one person to handle all he has to do is beyond me. J doesn't burn out easily, and he puts his heart and soul into ANYTHING he does, but I can already see him burning out. And how a company can sit back and let that happen just angers me to no end.

Rant over...back to the regularly scheduled excitement about adopting!!!

It's Been A While...

Sorry I've been so sporadic in posting. My life is pretty much filled with putting drops in my eyes, working, and doing housework. Fun times!!! Eyes are getting better. Still feels like I have something in my right eye, but it feels less like a daggar and more like dust or a dry contact. And I still have a haze in my left eye, but Dr. H says it's getting better. YEA!!! Here's a funny...I went to MW's little boy's birthday party on Saturday, and one of the moms comes up and asks, "Do you have pink eye?" I SOOOOO wanted to say, "Yep, now where are your children so I can infect them!! Mwwwaaaaahhh!!!!!" But I was good and explained that I had had intral.ase on Thursday.

J got the news that he's changing positions at work. Keep in mind that this is the job we actually moved to BR for almost 3 years ago, and he's just now getting the position. But I'm really mixed about the job because it means that in 2 years or so we're going to be moving back to Hou.ston. That really makes me uneasy. My family is in Hou.ston which is really the only draw to the city. But all my friends (except my bff, S) are here in BR. The Lord has really blessed us with some WONDERFUL friends here, and it just breaks my heart that we'll be leaving. I always knew we'd be leaving at some point, but now there's a finish line in sight. I know most of you are thinking that I'm stupid to start getting so sad this far away, but you never know with Exx.on. We only had 6 weeks notice when we were moving here. They could up and move us at any time once he's had the job for a while. There's no guarantee that we'll actually be here for 2 years. It could be less. I'm tearing up now!! But another part of me is relieved for J. He's been so uneasy with the position he's in right now. He's tired of it, and he's ready for a change. So for that, I'll be glad when he's in the new position. But the other bad part is that he's going to be working much longer hours. And that sucks too. But I keep reminding myself that a happy husband means that the times we do have together will be happier. Just keep J in your prayers. He has a week and a half to train the new guy for a position that J's been doing for about 6+ years (between here and Hous.ton), all the while transitioning to his new position. He's going to be one pooped fella when all is said and done.

I'm a Working Woman Again

Since we moved here to BR I haven't used my education degree, but I did hold a job at a small family owned jewelry store for a few months helping them get all their inventory into the computer. But I quit working there because the owner's mother was driving me insane. So for the last year and a half I've been a SAHW. I do a couple of volunteer jobs once a week, and today one of those turned into a paying job three days a week. I will be working at the Baptist Collegiate Ministry at LSU.

There are plenty of good things about this job...
1. It will give us extra money to pay for fertility treatments-this is really the main reason why I took the job. We've been pulling from our savings each month to cover what we didn't have built into our budget. Now we won't have to do that! Praise the Lord!!!
2. It's flexible-that's the BEST part. I was very open with the director and told him we were going through fertility treatments so there would be times when I would have to make last minute appointments and might have to miss an hour or two here and there, and he was totally fine with it.
3. It will force me to spend less time on the computer during the day-I spend entirely too much of my day on the computer. And then I scurry around the house trying to get everything done in a couple of hours that I should have throughout the day.
4. The lack of time at home will force me to prioritize chores, errands, workouts, and again...computer time.
5. Meals are provided-yes, you read that right! I get lunch provided for free!! But then again I guess that could also be a "con"...it's not exactly on the diet plan. I have to just eat what's prepared or take my own. Hmmm, maybe I need to rethink that part. I should probably take my lunch every day so I can stay on my diet.

But the one thing that I'm really going to miss is my morning workouts. I have gotten so disiplined about working out, and now I'm going to have to find time in my evenings to go workout. And you know, that really sucks (for a couple of reasons)...
1. I'll have to workout alone-if I go in the mornings I can work out with MW.
2. It will make my evenings more hectic-leave work, head to the gym, run home and get dinner started, etc...

Now, I know I really do sound like a spoiled brat, and let's face it...I am a spoiled brat! Let's just kick that elephant right out of the room. I know that PLENTY of you work full time, manage to get to the gym, and still have time in the evenings with the family. But I know me quite well, and the first thing that's going to be tossed out of the schedule is the gym time. Case in point...My first year of teaching I was single, still living at home with Mom, so I joined Ball.ly's with a friend. It was on my way home from work, but I NEVER went. I made time to get to the tanning salon, but not the gym so that was a HUGE waste of money. Then, after J and I married I joined Cur.ves because there was one on my way home from school...again, a BIG waste of money because I went *MAYBE* once a week (and quite honestly, I don't even think I averaged once a week.) I went faithfully during the summer, but missed quite frequently during the school year.

I know, I know...suck it up, put my big girl panties on and deal with it! This job really is a HUGE blessing. I'll only be working Monday-Wednesday. On Thursdays I'll still have the other volunteer job to do, and Fridays I'll have all day to run errands, do the laundry, get the house cleaned, and catch up on blogs, etc... It's not as bad as working 8-5 five days a week, but I've gotten quite used to my free time, so this is really going to be an adjustment for me. But, it will definitely help us financially, and that's the whole point.