GRRRRRR!!!!

I will be ranting...consider yourself warned!!!

J has been working so much, and this is driving me insane!! He's not "here" even when he's sitting on the couch next to me. I'm just so tired of his new job. I keep thinking about what I'm going to do when I have a baby here all day with me and he doesn't get home in time to help with ANYTHING. My friend MW is going through the baby blues right now, and I know a lot of that is hormones, but a big part of it is her feeling like she can't get away for a moment alone and the fact that she hasn't gotten a good night's sleep in weeks. I won't experience all the post-pregnancy hormones, but I will experience the extreme fatigue and the longing to get away (even if it's to go to work), and it makes me very anxious about motherhood because J is already working so much now. And it won't change when a baby is here. He just has too many responsibilities at work.

So last night J was complaining about his job again, but this time I chimed in. I have been very good about being supportive when he's too tired to do anything or when he's griping about work. But yesterday it all got to me, so I chimed in, and he got mad at me!!!! GRRRRR!!! I tried really hard to get him to understand that this isn't just about him. That it affects me too. And I tried to talk to him without crying, but the tears started flowing as soon as I said, "This isn't just about you, you know."

I know I'm thinking WAY ahead here, but I can't help it. I dread being at home alone, but add all the responsibilities of a newborn to all the ones I already have, and life without much help just doesn't sound appealing. I feel for J, I really do. It's not anything he can help. I guess who I'm mad at is his company. How they can expect one person to handle all he has to do is beyond me. J doesn't burn out easily, and he puts his heart and soul into ANYTHING he does, but I can already see him burning out. And how a company can sit back and let that happen just angers me to no end.

Rant over...back to the regularly scheduled excitement about adopting!!!