Dr. Page,
As a woman who has struggled for over 2 years to become a mother, I have to be honest and tell you that I am dreading Sunday with every ounce of my being. If you would, please read this article and know that I'm not sending this to you to complain. I'm sending this because I know I'm not the only woman in our congregation who is currently struggling or has struggled with infertility or pregnancy loss.
http://www.pastors.com/RWMT/article.asp?ArtID=9387
While I'm very happy for all the new mommies we have in our congregation, I
am also heartbroken because I've lost our two babies, and I will never know what it's like to have a child of my own. Please understand this doesn't come from a bitter heart. We're adopting, and I'm very grateful for the opportunity to do so, but it still breaks my heart to know that I will never have a child that looks like Jon or sings like me.
I realize the flowers have probably already been ordered, but I wanted to shed some light on a way that maybe this day could be made a little easier for those of us who are not mothers. Often times if people haven't experienced the hurt of infertility
or pregnancy loss then they don't think about those that have. I was one of
those people before we started on our journey. I wish that I had seen the
article before today, but unfortunately it didn't happen that way.
I found it too hard last year to sing in the choir, so I sat in the congregation, and as
the flowers were being handed out I had a deacon come up and ask me if I had gotten my rose yet. My heart sank because it had only been 4 months since our second loss. So to keep that from happening again I'm choosing to leave after Sunday School and not attend the service.
I believe that all women nurture children in some way or another. It just so happens that we all can't be their mommies. Which is why I'm sending you this article. Thank you for your time!! And again, I hope you know that I am in no way criticizing how the Mother's Day services are done at FBC. I just want to bring to light the fact that there are so many women out there who suffer in silence on that day. And when these strong women are in a place that should be a sanctuary from the hurts of their
daily lives, it cuts even deeper to be skipped over on a day when they long to be celebrated.Many blessing to you,
Janna
Now I know that it won't change anything for this year since I'm so late in finding Kristi's blog and her link, but I'm hoping that in the future Mother's Day will be more of a day to celebrate not only mom's, but women who have been nurturers and mother figures as well.
5 comments:
I am glad you shared that, even if it won't help this year.
Last year was the first year our church didn't do anything. It was a bad few months leading up to the day, a stillbirth, a 2nd trimester miscarriage, and 3 other miscarriages, so the elders didn't feel it would be appropriate. I have no idea what they are doing this year.
In a way it is silly to ask the moms to stand, Mother's Day should be a private celebration.
I could not agree more. I think the letter is a great idea and I hope that next year they change up the ceremony. HUGS!
Thank you for directing me to that article/letter -- I am going to put it on my blog, too.
I noticed that you used the phrase "I will never know what it's like to have a child of my own" . . . honey, being an adoptive parent does mean those children are YOUR OWN.
I have had people say to me that gee, they had thought about adopting, but they wanted "their own kids", and it makes me want to scream. Who cares whose body a kid comes from -- if YOU are doing the loving, the parenting, the stay-up-all-night-with-a-sick-kid thing, they are as much your "own" as somebody who gave birth.
Just my two cents. Maybe you will think about framing it differently in your mind someday.
HUGS.
Janna, that was a wonderful way to share your heart with your pastor. I agree that our churches need to be more sensitive to this issue in life. There are too many women that do sit and suffer in silence... I hope your pastor is a very sensitive man and things will change at FBC.
God bless you, I know that could not have been easy.
Ang
Janna I am so glad you shared this letter with your pastor! I was thankful to be missing the mother's day service at our church yesterday b/c I knew how much it hurt last year. I admire your strength & your courage!
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