My Monthly Appt.

So I had yet another" I'm not pregnant, give me more Clomid" appointment today. The first thing that nurse K said when she saw me was, "Did you get your hair colored since we saw you last? Ha Ha...if she only knew!!! Does the fact that she noticed my hair color change mean that I'm in there too often? Does this mean they need to be added to my Christmas card list?

When Dr. K walked into the room he said, "Man, I want you to be pregnant so badly!" And then he goes over to the counter to look at my chart and he slams his hand on the counter and said, "Shit!" I just laughed and said, "Yeah, that's what I said on Monday when I got a stark white pregnancy test."

So here's the run down of the appointment...

• We talked about my short AF this cycle, and he said that's expected with Clomid. He doesn't think there's anything wrong with my lining, but at the same time he's not increasing my dosage because I'm having such short AF's and he doesn't want it to become a problem. If that makes sense.
• He said he was baffled at the fact that I'm not getting pregnant. He knows I'm ovulating, and frankly so do I because I can feel the darn eggs in there when they're about to hatch. He said J's SA was stellar, so he said there shouldn't be any reason for me to not be getting pg. I could see the frustration on his face. Doesn't make me feel good that I'm frustrating my doctor, and it's not because I'm being a pain in the ass by calling all the time.
• I asked him if he thought I had bad eggs, and he said he didn't think so.
• He said he wanted to do a few more IUI's and then if they didn't work then he would refer me to an RE.
• He said he really wanted me to quit temping, and I told him that I couldn't. With my personality it was much better for me to see the temp drop a few days before AF visits so I can prepare myself. I don't like surprises, and for me to wake up one morning to find AF's very unwanted gift would be 100 times worse for me than temping during the 2ww. He understood, and said, "Well, since you put it that way. Just don't obsess about the temps. Deal?" Deal.
• IUI #2 will be sometime at the end of this month.

J and I need to have a sit-down and talk about how many IUI's we're willing to do, and if we even want to go the RE route. We have always said no injects and no ivf because of the money. We want to put the money that would have been spent on those treatments towards adoption. But now, I don't now how I feel about that. We talked about that early on when we weren't even sure if I could get pregnant. Now that we know I can get pregnant I kind of want to see if something can be done to help one stick.

After my appointment I went to the mall to buy another swimsuit for our trip to Jamaica. I got a call while I was there from MW. She said, "I parked next to you. Where are you? B saw your car, and he wants to come see you." So we met up in the swimsuit section of Dill.ards. We chatted and she helped me pick out a swimsuit, we went to the playground to let B play for a while, and then we went to the food court for lunch. After lunch we shopped a bit, and the she stopped me and said, "You know. I just feel so much better after seeing you. I know that you've been really upset lately because you're not pregnant and I am, and I just wanted to see you to know that you were okay. I really feel bad for you, and if there was something I could do to help you, I would do it in a heartbeat. I just want you to know that it's okay that you're upset. I know you're not upset with me, it's the situation. I'm glad we ran into each other. I was worried about you, and I feel better now that I've seen you." And you know, I kind of feel better about it after seeing her, too. Yes, she's fertile myrtle, and I'm not, but I can't let that come between us. She's my closest friend I have here in BR, and I don't want my infertility to be the elephant in the room everytime we're together. I really don't deserve to have a friend like her, but I sure am thankful that I do!!

So that's the skinny...we'll do another IUI and pray that this one works!!!