This sign is so true, but it's so hard to not become a bitter bi-yach when the journey to have a baby seems to come so easily for everyone I know IRL except me. I try really hard not to be bitter. I really do. I try to think about the good things that have happened as a result of my ttc journey. I try to envision us bring home our little baby. But then I start thinking about the fact that I have PCOS, and how I don't ovulate, and how I'm having to take this evil Clo.mid just to make my body do what it's supposed to do. Then that leads to thoughts about the two babies we've lost. It's just so hard to stay positive and hopeful when everyone around me gets pregnant just by looking at their significant other while I sit here 20 months into our ttc journey with no child in my arms and one not in sight.
How do I keep from becoming a bitter infertile? Is there a way to prevent it? I've prayed that God would use my journey for good, but I just don't see it happening. Maybe it's not meant for me to see. I don't know. But I do know that my heart is heavy, and I can feel myself getting more and more bitter the longer it takes us. I don't want to become "that woman" who couldn't have kids and can't find any good in anything because of all the bitterness in her heart. I want to be happy and hopeful again. I just don't know how! Any suggestions???
UPDATE...please take the time to go congratulate Beth...she got her BFP tonight!! I'm so happy for her!!!
How do I keep from becoming a bitter infertile? Is there a way to prevent it? I've prayed that God would use my journey for good, but I just don't see it happening. Maybe it's not meant for me to see. I don't know. But I do know that my heart is heavy, and I can feel myself getting more and more bitter the longer it takes us. I don't want to become "that woman" who couldn't have kids and can't find any good in anything because of all the bitterness in her heart. I want to be happy and hopeful again. I just don't know how! Any suggestions???
UPDATE...please take the time to go congratulate Beth...she got her BFP tonight!! I'm so happy for her!!!
10 comments:
I struggle with it every day...turning my bitter feelings into hope and meaning--I want to be able to help others going through this difficult journey too, but sometimes Im TOO bitter to even do that!
Just continue to pray about it--the answer will come--thinking of you!
i agree with JJ - as frustrating as it is ... just sing praise/worship/hymms/prayers anything to just help you find hope and let the bitter feelings/thoughts leave our brain. I will be praying for you. You are helping others by your kind words, comments, posts and blog. Keep on, keeping on!!
I struggle with this everyday. I went to a support group meeting last month and was reminded that absolutely everyone resolves their infertility in one way or another. One day we will come out on the other side of this as parents. Maybe it won't happen the way we dreamed, but it will happen, and when it does we will be happy about it and we will be able to see that everything worked out just perfectly. In the meantime, hang on, and I'll help you hold your hope.
Having a baby is a such a righteous desire. I think our Heavenly Father loves us for wanting it SO much. Look how long Abraham prayed and waited for Isaac. Hopefully our journeys won't take us that long!! But I think that we are tried in the same way. Every single time I hear of someone I know falling pregnant I become bitter. The important thing (and the hard part) is to not stay bitter. A book that is helping me on that is "the power of letting go" by patricia carrington.
I just realized my initials are the same as your friend's! Anyway, the other reason I think bitterness springs into my mind is because I gave up my career to be a mom. It's been 1 1/2 yrs for me. Going back to work now would feel like giving up. Afterall, I'm always just a month away from getting that good news! . . . Sometime I'd love to hear if you became a SAHW for that reason too, and how you deal with that.
I also have a hard time NOT being bitter. I try to channel my negative feelings into something positive. Sometimes it works but sometimes it doesn't. I believe that the bitterness is natural and you just need to let it out. When I feel really angry, I find an outlet - cleaning, working out - something to get out the aggression. If I'm sad, well, I bury my face in Ben & Jerry's. I just do what I need to do to get by. Once I get it out of my system, I can appreciate the good in my life.
Oh, and I love that sign. It really does make you think.
Hi, this is my first visit to your blog, but I look fwd to continuing to read it. That sign is so true, but you're right, it's hard not to become bitter when you go through IF. I don't know how to keep from becoming bitter--I've had my bad and good days with it all. All I know is that even when I say I quit, my heart keeps going and holding on to the hope that one day I will be a mommy. I, too, don't want to be "that woman". Just keep praying...keep hoping...keep going.
Unfortunately, I think bitterness comes with the IF territory. The way I deal with bitterness is just by allowing myself to feel my emotions to their fullest extent. If I'm having a bad day, I won't suppress it, I'll just keep to myself until it passes. I find that if I'm not pretending to be ok and I am actively working on improving how I really feel in the long run my bouts of bitterness don't last nearly as long. You also just have to be able to forgive yourself for your emotions. It's normal, it's natural and it's ok. You're definitely not alone. :)
**hugs**
Sometimes I wonder if I"m still bitter way down deep...that the peace and acceptance I think I feel is really just numbness.
Thank you deeply for the well wishes. I wish the same for you very very soon.
Please don't give up...
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