Fairy Tales

As children we're read all these stories of how the princess meets her prince charming and they live happily ever after. And because of those stories every child has dreams about what they want to accomplish when they "grow up". And I'm no different. I wanted to go to college (check), graduate with an education degree (check), become a teacher (check), travel the world (check), marry a wonderful man (check), and then I wanted to settle down and have children. (Notice there's no "check" after that last dream.)

We started ttc in December of 2005, and back then I knew it might be hard to conceive, but I still dreamt of the day when I would hold our baby in my arms. It's now 21 months later, and that dream still hasn't come true. And honestly, up until this month I still dreamt of that day. But something has happened over the past month. That dream of holding our baby has disappeared, and it's been replaced with this deep emptiness. And you know, that feeling is like none other that I've ever felt before. I just have this feeling that my fairy tale ended when I married prince charming.

Maybe I'm looking at this all wrong, but at the moment there's nothing that I want more than to hold our baby. And when I look around I see all these people who have accomplished the dream of becoming a parent, I feel like I'm the lone woman on the IF island. Now, I know there are lots of people out there in the same situation as me (and I'm so thankful to have met some of them), but right now, at this very moment, I feel all alone in this. And I don't like that feeling.