Book Review...Part 1: Get Thee to a Specialist

Please bear with me. This is my first book review. Go easy on me!!!

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Having a Baby...When the Old Fashioned Way Isn't Working: Hope and Help for Everyone Facing Infertility was written by Cindy Margolis, a popular model and online personality, when after years of trying to start her family she still had no child to tuck in at night. Surprised by the lack of useful information available to she and her husband, Guy, as they traveled the lonesome road of infertiliy, she decided to change that by writing this book. She wanted to get the issue of infertility out in the open in order to give women a tool to use as they navigate through the barrage of tests, pokes, prods, and treatments. Cindy didn't want women to suffer alone in silence any longer.

Now, Cindy's journey did have a happy ending, but not until she had gone through 2 years of "let's have unprotected sex and see what happens", 3 failed IUIs, 3 failed IVFs, and finally one successful GIFT with IVF procedure. And that was just for the first pregnancy which resulted in a beautiful baby boy.

What I love about Cindy is that she's so candid. I felt like I truly did have an ally in this crap-shoot. I could hear the desperation in her words throughout this whole first section, but the part that had me almost in tears because I knew exactly what she was feeling was this:

"Falling in love, having a baby, and starting a family are the dreams most of us take for granted. We just figure that when the time is right, these things will happen for us, exactly when we want them to, and we will go on to live happily ever after. Finding out that our baby dreams are not so easily fullfilled is first devastating, then almost crippling--to the point that many of us want to give up completely. I know that's what happened to me. I thought I had been so wronged. Why couldn't I have a child? I thought that I was being punished--by whom and for what I did not know. I thought I was not a whole woman and a host of other unhealthy thoughts that would send me to my bed for days on end. Of course, I know now that none of this was my fault."

Cindy talks very openly about the strain that infertility put on her marriage, the weight gain and the bloating that resulted from the shots of hormones, and how none of her real life friends understood what she was going through. All of which are probably the reasons I finished the first section in one evening. I just couldn't put it down because I felt like she was telling my story. (Well, without the shots and IVF, anyway.) And I think most of you would completely identify with how she felt because, let's face it, if you've gone through fertility treatments, and you are a living, breathing human being, then you have felt exactly the way Cindy felt.

Throughout the first section Cindy throws in bullet lists of what a basic infertility workup should entail, places to go to find a fertility specialist in your area, things to look for in a good fertility specialist, and websites that offer more information about male infertility and infertility in general. While these things were pretty much known to me because I consider myself somewhat of an infertility novice, someone who is just beginning down the road of infertility would find it very useful and comforting to have in hand when trying to figure out the next step.

There were times in the book when I almost laughed out loud. Like when she talked one of the time she and Guy had "on-demand" sex in the backseat of Guy's car a few feet off the exit ramp because they were nowhere near the clinic for an insemination, only to be questioned by a policeman 20 minutes afterward as her legs were up in the air. Or when Guy gave her her first shot in their second cycle of IVF.

"The stress on both of us was horrendous. I was resentful. I was angry. I wanted to hurt someone, and when Guy gave me the first shot in our second cycle of IVF, I wanted to pull the syringe out of his hand and stab him with it. How could he continue to inflict this pain and not give me a baby for my trouble? I wanted him to actually feel what it was like for me to be constantly poked and prodded. So the next time we went to the clinic, I actually asked for a set of practice shots not for me--but for him! Then every time I felt the least but moody and sick of being stuck by this man who was supposed to love me, I would stick him right back. In hindsight, I think it was amazing that he even let me do this. But that's Guy for you."

Come on...you all know you wish you would have thought of that!!!

I love how Cindy opens up and shares her deepest hurts to a world where most don't even understand what she's going through. But all the while speaking to a world where one in six adults of child bearing age DO understand. She stepped out to tell her story when everyone around her was telling her keep it to herself because it was going to hurt her image. And because of her bravery she is now the celebrity spokesperson for RESOLVE. I commend Cindy for being so open about her struggles, and I hope that in doing so more celebrities in the limelight will come forward. There's nothing to be ashamed of because like Cindy says, "It's not your fault!"
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Part two to come...Other Options for Growing a Family: Surrogacy, Gestational Surrogacy, Third-Party Donors, and Adoption.