Book Review...Part 2: Other Options for Growing a Family

Surrogacy, Gestational Surrogacy, Third-Party Donors, and Adoption

I have to admit that I had a hard time identifying with Cindy throughout this section. Mainly because J and I are far enough in our journey to know that surrogacy and donor eggs/sperm isn't for us.

Cindy and Guy used surrogacy as a means to grow their family a few years after their son was born. So the majority of this section was about their journey through surrogacy as a means to bring their two twins girls into their family. She does bring up lots of very useful questions to ask yourself if you're considering surrogacy, and points people who are interested to several websites. To me, if this was our journey, I would have soaked all that I could have in as far as what to look for in an agency, a surrogate, or whether to go with an agency at all or handle it on your own. She had lots of great information in the book including the letter she wrote to her possible surrogate, and her prospective on the process as well as the prostective of her surrogate. Cindy gives couples who are considering surrogacy a lot to think about, even giving them resources to better educate themselves on the subject.

Cindy briefly discussed donor eggs and donor sperm as well. Again, since this wasn't really an option for J and I because 1.) J didn't have issues, and 2.) the cost to help me with my issues was just too great because egg donation involves IVF. And IVF wasn't an option for us because there was no guarantee of us bringing home a baby. But I do like that Cindy does talk about egg and sperm donation including offering resources for those who are contemplating this route because if nothing else, it gives them a place to start.

The adoption section was what I was most interesting in, and I was greatly disappointed in how little was included. Now in her defense, they have no personal experience in the adoption area, but she didn't have any experience in the donor area either, and it was more extensive than the adoption section. She does admit that she knows nothing about adoption so to help those who are headed down that path she includes two stories of couples who did go that route. She also includes a listing of resources to help potential adoptive parents know more about domestic, international and foster adoption. One quote in the adoption portion that literally jumped off the page at me was, "Whether or not they are linked to us biologically, children remind us that there are no boundaries around our ability to love and that life is full of unexpected opportunities." As a potential adoptive parent I worry about the fact that my child will not be biologically related to J and me. But I do know one thing...J and I will love that child unconditionally no matter whose blood runs through their veins because our love knows no boundaries. Cindy's words erased the fear that I have about connecting and bonding with our adopted child. I know there will be hurdles to cross in our journey to adoption, but one thing I can quit worrying about is our inability to love someone else's precious child. We love our niece, and we love all of our friend's little ones, so I know that we're capable of loving a child that isn't biologically ours.

Overall I was a little disappointed in this section of the book, but only because I couldn't relate to the mojority of it. I think someone who is seriously considering surrogacy or egg/sperm donation will find it very helpful. I do love that she included personal stories of individuals and couples who have experienced each of these methods to grow their families. That helps make the methods more real while it also gives the readers someone to learn from. The thing that Cindy most advocates is research no matter which method you choose. And one of the ways that she says is most effective is to talk to someone who has walked that road. Many people are walking into uncharted waters and know of no one who has been there before, so the personal stories can really help them learn more about the processes. And I think it helps them feel less alone in it all.