Appointment with Dr. C

I've been on Rem.icade for several years, but when I first started on it I was also taking Meth.otrex.ate, a drug that you absolutely cannot be taking when ttc. In September '05 I got off the Meth.otrex.ate, but stayed on the Rem.icade because we knew that we were going to start ttc. I knew from my wonderful Dr. W back in Houston that Rem.icade worked better with Meth.otrex.ate, but it could still work without it, just not as effectively. Well, it's been over 2 years since I got off the Meth.otrex.ate, and I did exceptionally well on just the Rem.icade alone. But Dr. C thinks that I've finally started building up antibodies to the Rem.icade which makes it ineffective. She wants me back on the Meth.otrex.ate, but she did warn me that it might be too late for it to help with the Rem.icade. But I can take the Meth.otrex.ate with another biologic drug like En.brel or Hum.ira. So because she wants me back on the Meth.otrex.ate I have to go back on BCP. She said she's not calling in the Rx yet. She wants me to wait 4 weeks to see if the Rem.icade alone will help. But she's 99.9% sure that it's not gonna help without the Meth.otrex.ate. (And quite honestly, I'm with her, I don't think it's gonna get any better without it.)

Dr. C thinks the pain in my hip is bursitis, pockets of fluid that build up to reduce friction between tissues of the body. She said that it usually forms in the hips of arthritics because they start to walk funny to ease the pain they're experiencing in the knee or ankle. And I can see how that would be true. I have been limping and favoring my left knee more and more throughout this flare. (from medicinenet.com: Trochanteric bursitis frequently causes tenderness of the outer hip, making it difficult for patients to lie on the involved side, frequently making sleep difficult. It also causes a dull, burning pain on the outer hip that is often made worse with excessive walking or stair climbing.) So she gave me a shot of cor.tis.one in my hip and told me it should start to work in about a week, and until I started getting some relief that I needed to take it easy. (I'm pretty good at that, but thanks for the directive. Now I can have J continue to do the housework! lol)

I'm REALLY upset about the Meth.otrex.ate. This is the last thing that I wanted. My hope was that I could go on a more ttc friendly anti-inflammatory so I could still keep taking the Clomid. I'm upset about having to go back on BCP. I hate BCP!! But more than that, I'm upset that my ttc is now officially over. Well, I guess I do still have one glimmer of hope in that area. I'm not going back on the Meth.otrex.ate until this cycle is over, so I guess technically I do still have one last chance at getting pregnant. But once this cycle is over I have to call Dr. K and tell him I have to go back on the BCP because I'll have to be on the BCP for a few weeks prior to taking the Meth.otrex.ate to make sure I'm covered. (Like this PCOS'er needs BCP. I don't O on my own anyway. But it saves their butt from lawsuits I guess.)

There are 3 good things that will come out of all this. (I'm trying to find the silver lining, but it ain't easy folks.)
1. The what-ifs and the unknowns are now put to rest. I have a plan now. It's certainly not a plan that I like, but it's a plan nonetheless. (I had to look that up and find out if it was all one word or three words. lol)
2. I get to have lasik sooner rather than later.
3. I will start to feel better soon.

But no matter how much "good" comes out of all this, my heart is still broken because I might never have J's child.