Good News!!!!

Good news about J's job. He got a much bigger raise than we were expecting which amounts to about $700 extra per month after taxes. It has nothing to do with his new position that he's taking, but more of a widespread company pay increase along with his yearly raise that he normally gets. But we are so excited that it was so much, and we're just praising God for it because it will definitely help with the adoption costs.

And I know this is a controversial topic (and I'm not looking for a debate if you comment), but we're really looking forward to the stimulus package from the gov't. I know it probably isn't going to help the economy because it's gonna come too late I'm afraid, but it will definitely help with adoption costs. At this point we'll take anything we can get to help defer the costs!!!

I may have said this before, I'm not sure, but I got a package from Ho.lt Inter.national a while back, and when J saw it last night on the hearth he said that when they adopted his sister that's the agency they went through. So it looks like I'll be talking to his mother about it. While everything has changed in the 20+ years since they were adopting in regards to adoption policies, she can at least share her experience about how things were handled and how she felt they were treated by the agency. I really feel guilty that I can't provide J's mom with a biological grandchild, and it's going to be really hard for me to approach her about this because of those feelings. I know she won't care in the least whether that grandchild is biological or not, but it's still going to be hard for me to admit. When I told my mom about it it wasn't difficult, 1) because I'm closer with my mom, obviously, but 2) because she already has a biological grandchild. J's mom is a very sweet woman and she will support us in any way that she can, I have no doubt, but it still makes my heart sink to my stomach when I think about never giving her a biological grandchild.

Speaking of my heart sinking to my stomach. I was at the mall with my friend, K yesterday, and we saw a girl that goes to our church (but another campus than we go to so we don't see her that often). And she had a cute little pregnant belly on her while she pushed her cute little boy around. I had no idea she was pregnant again, so when I saw her belly I was taken my surprise, and my heart just sank. I hate that I feel this way. I'm so tired of being envious and jealous of pregnant people. When does that go away? Will it ever? I don't feel this way about babies once their born because I just love them so. It's just pregnant people that send my heart sinking to my stomach. I'm beginning to think I need to see a therapist about all this. It's just not healthy. I know it's only natural, but still, it's really disheartening that I've let myself become so envious. Any thoughts?