Mixed Emotions

My friend MW had her baby this morning at 6:45...Rachel Leigh. She pushed ONCE!!! They started her pitoc.in drip, laid her on the bed, and her water broke immediately. The nurse told her she was at a 5, she turned around to do whatever L&D nurses do, and 5 minutes later MW was at a 10 and the baby was crowning. They laid her on her side and told her not to push, sneeze, laugh, etc... Dr. K barely got there in time!!! He told her to give a small push, and the baby was out!

Anyway, I'm having a pretty emotional day...I've always wanted a girl (not that we would turn a boy down, but I'm just a froo froo girlie girl, so I've always wanted a girl.) I did fine at the hospital this morning, but it hit me on the way home that she now has what I've always wanted. So I'm a mess right now. To top it all off my due date for my first one is two days away (actually MW's due date is also 4/12 so I'm REALLY glad she was induced today and not Saturday). Our baby should be turning 1 in a couple days. So this really sucks! I'm putting on a happy face because I really am excited for them, but inside I'm crushed.

ETA...I went back up to the hospital this afternoon so I could spend some time with just Michelle while the family went out for lunch, and on my way I stopped by a maternity/baby store that was going out of business and had everything 50% off. I had promised MW's little boy that I would bring him something special when I came back, so I found him a cute "I'm the big brother" cloth photo album so he could show off his sister at church. And while I was there I found the softest pink blanket that I have ever felt, and on it it read "God Bless This Child". I thought it was perfect for MW. When I gave it to her she went on and on about how she didn't have a pink blanket to take Rachel home in (they didn't find out the baby's sex until today) and how appreciative she was for it. While I was there we would talk about Rachel some and then she would start talking about how excited she was about our adoption meetings and how she couldn't wait for me to bring home a baby. She told me I needed to start collecting baby things and putting them in a hope chest, but I told her I wasn't buying anything baby until after the baby was born and we knew it was ours. I mean, I *want* to buy things, but I just can't bring myself to actually *do* it. I guess it's a self-preservation thing.

I stayed for an hour or so after her family came back and more visitors started coming in, so I decided it was time to leave. I went over to MW and told her I would be back tomorrow with lunch (since she had GD she hasn't had french fries or a regular Dr. Pepp.er in a while so I promised I would bring that for her) and she grabbed my arm and told me again how beautiful the blanket was and that she loved it and couldn't wait to bring Rachel home all wrapped up in it. Then she gave my arm a squeeze as if to tell me she knew how hard it was for me to go into a store with baby things and buy it. Then she told me that she expected a full report about our meeting tonight. She said she just had a feeling that St. Eliz.abeth's was going to be the agency for us. That made me feel so good...someone, even though she's a fertile, "gets" it.